Each body, mind, and soul is a temple. Each body, mind, and soul is a microcosm for a delicate garden and should be tended to primarily, with utmost vigilance.
For someone like me, — an overly aggressive Aries trying to change the minds of the aggressor—fury is a defining characteristic of my life. It is the shadow behind me, a looming darkness that integrates itself into each stride I take. It easily dictates the way I carry myself, the words I speak and the thoughts I have. Hateful weeds effortlessly manifest themselves throughout the inner-workings of my garden. An anger-induced personality is a dark, slippery slope.
Growing up, I had an instinctual tendency to read each room I entered and work it to my advantage. When that wasn’t accomplished, all hell broke loose. My temper tantrums were violent and overbearing. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t control everything around me, and it caused an uproar of defeat. I thought it was normal.
Having sisters who were equally as defiant made for a hell-bound roller coaster ride called adolescence. Each fight was between two talking walls that clearly couldn’t understand any other point of view because they were walls. The inability to sway anybody’s emotions to assimilate mine further instilled a perpetual mindset of inferiority.
Mind-altering substances caused the plummet of my existence yet allowed for the re-birth of an improved, coherent and capable being. I began to realize that this seething, simmering anger was the primary decision-maker. I had no choice. When the anger took over, my coherency ran away and hid until the damage was done. I hurt many people and myself, although I take full responsibility for all my actions, I wasn’t myself when I was angry. Anger takes the controls and feeds off any opposition. The more I was controlled, the more I rebelled.
That’s when I decided I needed help. I needed to talk through this entire process and separate itself from me. I began to listen to my body, and tend to my garden primarily, with utmost vigilance. Water, sunlight, food, rest, appreciation. I channeled my frustration into the focus of yoga. I decided to make more of an effort to be an active citizen. I decided. I decide.
When anger takes over, it formulates a box of narrow-minded, worst-case scenario, catastrophic thinking. When you begin to pinpoint where your anger comes from, why it’s there, and what it’s accomplishing, it boils down to one consistent theme: a fear of the unknown. Anger justifies what seems like an effective way to control the external.
Extraneous variables are ever-expanding; they are never planned, and can never be controlled. Give up. Let it win. Take the anger and channel it into love. Notice the moment where the initial pang of aggression strikes, and counter it into something positive. Feel sorry for the people that can’t understand you instead of feeling fury. Take yourself out of the box, and explore the simple solutions to releasing residual hatred instead of letting it grow. It will infest your flowers and transform them into weeds. It will kill your garden.
