When I was young, I was taught the same essential morals as everyone else — my parents had me sing my way to amazing manners with Barney and his crew and read books with themes like ‘sharing is caring.' Compromise was one of my mother’s favorite words to use with my sister and I, whether it was over deciding where we were going for our family vacation or squabbling over who deserved the last cucumber slice.

Yesterday night, before heading to bed, I told my mother, “It’s a selfish world.” And the fact that she didn’t answer, didn’t reply except to give a sort of sad, world-weary smile convinced me it was true. Of course, it’s nice to be pleasant — and most times, it’s what you should be aiming for. Heaven forbid, we all start walking around with deceitful hearts, and no person willing to be compassionate or compromise or put others above themselves; it’s because I see people exhibit these traits that I still have faith in the world, and in humanity, and in the sort of person I can be.

But I have learned that as an adult, I can no longer blindly exhibit the spirit of selfless sacrifice as my childhood lessons might have tried to instill in me, because our world is different and people are different.

When my brother would turn his nose up at something I said, it would hurt me. When my sister deviously twisted my apologies or screamed at me, it would scare me. I hid behind a constant veil of tears and threats, with my parents’ frustration evident from the sidelines: Stand up for yourself, speak for yourself. But I was trying too hard to be the good girl.

The other day, my sister screamed at me over some trivial matter and for a second, I was cowed as usual, willing to submit passively in the face of her overwhelming ire when I wondered “Why?” Why should I keep throwing myself under the feet of people who would find something else to gripe about in a half hour’s time. And so, I used my best teacher-voice to let her know that I didn’t need her taking that tone with me and that there were more civil ways of stating her point.

I was shocked. My sister was shocked (for all of two seconds, at least). But, I felt like I’d hiked to some grand peak and suddenly the world was clearer. I hadn’t been selfish; I had cared about myself. Maybe I wasn’t the nicest big sister in the world, maybe I’m just not the nicest person — but I’m human, and so, I will have to be my own best friend. I will be selfish enough to use my voice and selfishly claim the respect and attitude I deserve, just as I would give to others.