This past week has not been the easiest of the summer. I’ve felt as if I’ve been carrying the weight of the world upon my shoulders. I’ve been able to work as if nothing is wrong, but there is a sense of sadness in the back of my mind that just won’t seem to go away. I’ve convinced myself that I’m too much of a burden to ever expect love to come to me. How can I expect someone to take on some of the weight I carry? How could someone love something so broken?

If a friend asked me these questions, I would tell them that everyone deserves to be loved. I would remind them that our brokenness can let the light come in to make us feel whole again, and that there’s always a spark of light to serve as a glimmer of hope in the dark.

So why can’t I tell myself that these things are true? Well, that’s just not easy for me. Many people have the gift of seeing the light in others, but are often unable to see it in themselves. It’s a matter of perspective. I can give others the thanks and praise they deserve for doing good things and for supporting me, but I can hardly ever give myself the same credit. I tell myself that I’m just too humble, but being humble does not mean that I am allowed to call myself trash.

I am not trash. I am a human being. I am not a waste of space. My presence matters in this world. I may be broken, but I am not a burden. I deserve to be loved, for I have so much love to offer.

I must learn to embrace my own light. In doing so, I can finally feel like I possess the kind of energy that I want to receive. The light that others see in me can flourish and spread to those around me who need it. I want to be a positive influence in someone's life. This is nearly impossible if I deny the presence of a light inside me that deserves to be shared. Acknowledging that I am capable of being a beacon of light isn't selfish.

A few months ago, a professor asked us to write what our biggest aspiration was. I wrote that I want to be a light in someone's life. I want to be a person people can turn to in a time of need. I want to make someone smile when they feel that it is impossible. I want to inspire people, and constantly remind them that we all have some light within us. It is only by reaching this aspiration that I may finally feel whole, and deserving of love and acceptance.