On my online platforms, I have hinted, but I have not clearly communicated this. I've been afraid of my family seeing this, mostly, knowing their stance on people like me. It's time for honesty.

I'm a lesbian. I'm proud to be a member of the LGBTQ community and proud of how I've come to terms with my sexuality. We all are born with our sexual orientation and we all go through a process in coming “out of the closet”. I leapt out of the closet.

I grew up in a racially privileged and mildly religious family in a small town in South Carolina. My childhood happened to be filled with family and friends sincerely believing that a large group of people are sent to an eternal, fiery place under the universe because they are in love with a human of the same gender. These people did not think that sex and gender are different. These people thought that marriage was supposed to be between a man and a submissive woman. I was reminded that in my community so often.

I believed them when I was young. I even went to Chick-fil-A when they advertised their adversity to the LGBTQ community with my church. I preached with them and I began to feel sick inside. One Sunday, I questioned the pastor. “Why are women to be submissive in a marriage? Why are they only supposed to marry men? Why can't a woman marry another woman?” This caused the pastor to talk to my mother. “How dare she ask such a question?” I was so young.

Looking back, I always knew I was gay. I remember thinking, “No, I'm not looking at women because I'm attracted to them--I just want to look like them.” I remember thinking, “No, they are wrong and I am right.” A simplified, closed-minded view cultivated through my childhood. Through the media, through my family, and through my church experience. I always knew I was gay. It took me so long to accept it.

I'm 20 years old. I'm young and I'm so happy to have accepted my sexuality. I began accepting this about 2 years ago, when I started college. I had been broken up with by a boy I had been dating for a long while, which I will talk about at a later point. I had been broken up with and this was a catalyst in my acceptance.

I was an actor in my local theatre’s production of “Mary Poppins”. There was a girl on the stage crew who had recently been broken up with, too. Her breakup was much more traumatic as it was with someone she was essentially married to--that woman had broken her trust and her heart. I had known them as a couple--they were the first lesbian couple I knew in Florence. This woman, I'll call her “S”, was working Stage crew and I had grown fond of her. She would always be on my side of the stage before “Jolly Holiday”. I would share a silly look with her during curtain call. She was lovely and I shared so much in common with her. We talked in depth about our breakups and our lives. At that point, I came out as bisexual.

Cout as bisexual is sometimes a stepping stone for people. It's so difficult to process that you are someone you preached against so long. It was just a stepping stone for me. Some people are truly bisexual, but I am not and I was not.

I started dating S a few months after “Mary Poppins” had ended. She was beginning to stop grieving about her former life being shattered. She loved me and I loved her. I finally admitted that I'm gay. “I know I said I'm bisexual, but I really don't even like the thought of a penis.” “There you go. I'm so proud of you.”

I've been with S for a year and a half now. I'm sorry to my mother for coming out to her and telling her about dating a queer woman with an age difference all in one sitting. She has been so wonderful in supporting me and S. She knew I was gay long before I could accept it.

She knew it when I dated a boy once. He was my best friend. We had done theatre together and went to school together. We never did anything more than holding each other’s hands. I'll call him “C”. C knew I was unhappy in our relationship and broke up with me. At the time, I was angry and confused. But, I'm so happy he did that. Thank you for realizing that before I could accept that, C. I hope you read this.

Thank you to anyone I've grown up with. You've all helped me become a strong member of my community and I hope to share a testimony so many relate to.

Take your time in accepting and loving yourself. Give in to consensual adoration of another, no matter who you are and who you love. You're not wrong if you're not hurting anyone.

I leapt out of the closet. I don't deserve to be shut up and I don't want to hide. You don't deserve that either.