When I use the term "lazy dating," I'm not referring to technology and its interference in casual dating — though that's an interesting article for another day. "Lazy dating" is how we justify staying with someone without anything substantial to offer to the relationship because we don't want to have to find someone else.
Our lackluster standards set us in a tolerable pattern. It's the desperate need for the self-respect that will help break the cycle.
I was with my partner for five years before I realized the cycle I was trapped in. I told myself I loved him, that I was with him because he made me happy. But, I was so far from being happy. I kept lying to myself because it meant I could stay comfortable.
Getting back out there, especially when you have been with the same person for so long, can sound frightening. Diving into the depths of another person is daunting, and you'd rather not go through it again just to be disappointed.
It's normal to think this way, but you don't have to settle for less just because it feels familiar.
Once I finally took a good look at my standards, I broke up with my partner. If it wasn't due to the dishonesty, the sheer mediocrity of it all would have been sickening enough for me to call the whole thing quits. The defining moment for me was when I was talking to my mom and I said, "Well at least he doesn't hit me."
Yes, at least he is good enough to not abuse me. Wow. But is that enough? He never laid a finger on me nor did he ever raise his voice, but is that really enough to be a good man for me? I was disappointed by how low my bar was set. No more compromising with my standards. That was the best he could offer me at this point in his life, but it doesn't mean I have to stay and hope for it to get better.
I didn't think I could do better because I didn't know what was out there.
What if I ended up worse off than before? Being trapped in that mentality can make you miserable. Staying in one place and fearing the unknown will haunt you if you don't take action.
If you feel you deserve better, then you do.
For anyone that feels like they need a push, ask yourself this: am I happy or am I just comfortable?
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