Do you ever stop and think about how many times you say the word “sorry” in a day? I don’t mean for a genuine reason or mistake but for the everyday and frankly, unnecessary moments. As women, the society we live in has wrongfully ingrained in us the concept of needing to apologize for our very existence. Society has boxed women into subservient roles, always having to stand down from their beliefs or having to explain their every move. Even in the simplest of matters, women, myself included, have been subconsciously taught to apologize for what they shouldn’t have to. Do you ever catch yourself saying sorry when someone bumps into you? When asking for a favor? When turning down someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, apologizing is your way of securing your safety, because you’ve been trained to perceive the danger that rejecting a man can put you in. It is time to stop apologizing for being honest, for being successful, for being ourselves, for being human.
How many times have you found yourself, as a woman, being expected to apologize for what you say or what you wear because it can somehow be “offensive” to others? As children, girls are taught not to be too opinionated or instead, to apologize for it because it can hurt a boy’s feelings. If young women are catcalled, they are blamed and shamed because their clothes are “too revealing.” But have we stopped to think about how this apologetic mentality is teaching women that they are inferior? That they are not valuable enough to have the freedom to their opinions or to their bodies?
Women are criticized for being too sexy or not sexy enough. They are condemned for being too intelligent and well versed on an issue. Women are criticized for being too passionate or not passionate enough. This contradicting and hypocritical scrutiny is something that more often than not is expressed by men but also by other women. The numbers of women in STEM fields or politics are disappointing and appalling. However, all these societal pressures placed on girls and women explain why more and more women are discouraged from entering these fields. When a society created by and for men sets us up to lose, it is hard not be feel like we’ve lost before we’ve even begun. An example of this apologetic mentality pushed onto women is perfectly captured in this “SNL” sketch featuring the hilarious Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton, respectively. Women are viewed as too much of everything but never enough of what is “right” for the job. They are questioned and made to feel like they should apologize or explain everything about their bodies, their opinions and their attitudes only for being women.
Another brilliant example of this apologetic mentality that women are expected to have can be seen in the “The Daily Show,” in Jon Stewart’s report on Caitlyn Jenner’s transition into her true self. Where she was once revered as the Olympic athlete, she is now questioned for her looks, her age, her choice in clothing. Women are shamed into feeling sorry for all these things in a way to take away from all of their other accomplishments or traits. As Stewart so perfectly said, “It’s really heartening to see that everyone is willing to not only accept Caitlyn Jenner as a woman, but to waste no time in treating her like a woman.”
What if society started leveling the field and stopped scrutinizing every aspect of a woman’s life? What if women in STEM, politics or the media were only spoken about in terms of their professional accomplishments and not in terms of their emotional or physical beings?
To the girl in science class that can solve every chemical equation faster than anyone else, don’t feel sorry or ashamed of your intelligence. To the young girl that is being objectified before she can even comprehend what is changing about her body, don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else. To the woman constantly telling men that she has a boyfriend in order to stop receiving angry threats, don’t apologize for rejecting someone for the simple reason of not being interested. What if society started respecting women, not because they are women or our mothers or sisters or daughters, but because they are human beings? How differently would the world look?
