Family is something that I take very seriously. At a young age my father walked out of my life. My mother basically raised me with the help of my grandmother. The father figure in my life growing up was my uncle and my step grandfather. They were men that I looked up to when I was little. This might sound bad but in my opinion they were more of a father to me than my actual father was. My father would not call me on my birthday or even call to say Merry Christmas. As a kid, I felt as though he did not love me growing up since he did not stay in contact with me. As of today I do not know why he stepped out of my life and why he didn't stay in contact with me. As I got older I tried to make the effort to get my dad's number so I could call him. I made that effort because I wanted to spend the summer of 2010 with him. That summer was tough on my mom because that is when my grandmother was in the hospital. In all honestly, that had to be the worst summer of my life. Being with my dad and trying to have a decent relationship with him was the worst. I know what constructive criticism is, but the way he did it just made me dislike him. For example he would say I am stupid or acting stupid. I took that to heart because how are you not in my life and want to build a relationship with me and say those words? Every move or word I said I felt would be criticized. As the summer progressed, I just started to say less when I was around my dad. With my being quiet, my dad started to pick up on that so he would ask me what I was thinking about. I would simply respond with nothing. The thing that really hurt me was when my dad told me that my grandmother wasnt coming home. That right there is one thing that I would never forget. My grandma was more of a man than my actual dad was in my life.
Being over my dad's house now, I just feel like an outsider. I am a shy person around new people so when I am with my dad and other people on his side of the family, I am so quiet. For Thanksgiving, I went to see my dad and it was a big gathering of family. I felt like a stranger even though we are family. I saw my big brother and I just felt like a stranger. It was good to see my family, especially my big brother, since we haven't seen each other since we were little. Being away from that side of my family so long causes us to feel like strangers. My relationship with my big sister is growing. Now I just need to find a way to have a good relationship with my dad. I am still working on it and I love my dad.
