When I put my brother to sleep, as I flicker off his lights and see his flashlight under his covers I say "I love you." I sound like a broken record. He murmors back, "Yeah." I smile... But inside my stomach twists.
It always bothered me that not once without me telling him did he say, "I love you too."
For awhile, I thought it was because he really didn't love me. While our sporadic fights may not always show it, he is my best friend. I don't need him to say "I love you too" anymore because even if he didn't-- I love him enough for the both of us.
It sounds cheesy.
Until recently, I never thought much of the four letter word we text, say, read, and write so often.
I say "I love you" every time I hang up the phone with my grandma, no matter if she is in another state or on her way to my house.
If somebody talks about my favorite show I have been notorious to exclaim, "I love ____________!"
When someone takes a cool picture or writes a great poem or sings or does anything I like I always say, "I love it."
Love is a lot more abstract than liking something.
Love is overused.
I realized that is true when my brother gave me a "Yeah" for the 300th time. For awhile, I thought it was because he didn't understand what love was and he was just pretending to-- like when you're in class and your math teacher asks if you get the material and you nod yes to avoid further conversation, but really you're just copying down figures you see on the board.
That is what love sounds like to me, a phrase some take in and never comprehend-- not because I don't want to, but because I can't. It is not that I don't believe in love, it is that when everything is labeled with it how am I suppose to find it in the first place?
When you are hurt or sick in the ER, to get a sense of your state doctors and nurses ask to rate your pain from one to ten. Similarly, I see love as a scale, or like a number line of love. There are different kinds of love, however, they are all weighted the same. For example, I may love records on a 9. You love your sister on a 9. We love the same amount, but it is a different kind of love.
Love is Leslie Knope and breakfast food. Leslie never had a romantic relationship with a waffle, of course, but she genuinely loves it. So does Ron Swanson, Leslie's boss. Leslie once asked him, "Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?" and Ron replied with, "People are idiots, Leslie."
Chandler and Monica, from Friends love each other just as much as Ron and Leslie like breakfast food, but it is a different kind of love. They love each other for specific reasons, and these reasons built their relationship. Monica loves Chandler's intelligence and sweetness. Chandler said it is Monica's beauty which he admires.
Leslie and Ron may love breakfast at a 10 and Chandler and Monica may love each other at a 10, but their love is different.
It is different because one is between foods and people and the other relationship is between people.
Love has no labels. There may be different kinds of it, but they don't have titles and they aren't limited.
Love is weird. I used fictional examples because I have yet to figure out for myself in the real world what it is. This may be because I live in universes inside of books and television shows-- where life just seems better.
So while I may say "I love you too" and my brother says "Yeah" or "Me too" and my other friend just says "Same"-- it is because everyone sees love differently and responds in different ways. This doesn't mean they feel differently, or lesser.
The meaning of love is beyond the pages of a dictionary definition.
