My parents were highschool sweethearts, together since 1994. A lot of people would think that means they’re meant to be, that they’re soulmates who were lucky enough to find each other at a young enough age, but it’s mostly because they were dumb teenagers who got knocked up before they had a chance to finish college. That’s where I come in. I have been present for literally every step of my parents marriage, from the wedding (in my mom’s belly) all the way to now. I take pride in being able to be there for them in a way most kids can’t be. Having young parents, especially in an age when it’s normal to be having kids in your thirties (and my parents did it as teenagers), you run into some unique experiences that make life all that more interesting. Here are a few things only you guys out there with teen parents will get.
1. Thinking it’s completely normal! Until someone tells you otherwise.
When I was young, my mom and dad’s age never took up much space in my head. They were just mommy and daddy, not “teen parents”. It wasn’t until a bus ride home one day, when I was in fourth grade, that I understood my family was a little different than everyone else. Somehow all the kids got onto the conversation of our parents’ ages, most of which were in their late thirties and early forties, some even in their fifties. Then came my turn to pipe in with the ripe age of 28. Most kids were surprised, since even our little brains could pick out the large gap in my age to the rest of theirs. Then came an onslaught of questions as to why they were so young, and what they looked like, if they were nice, etc. One little girl (who was a bit younger, I should add), whose eyes started to well up as she looked at me, said “Why are my mommy and daddy so old?!”
2. My brother and I weren’t the center of the universe, we were just (admittedly, pretty focused) parts of a larger whole.
My parents were still teenagers trying to figure themselves out and grow as human beings when they got married and had me and my brother (14 months later), this meant that us kids were secondary roles in the family. Not to say we weren’t made a priority, because we most certainly were. All of our needs were met, and parenting was always first in every situation, however we weren’t doted on like a lot of kids from older families sometimes are. Neither is necessarily bad, but I do know it’s helped mold me into the working world. I know that anything I make of myself and any success I obtain is through my own hard work.
3. They’re always caught up on the latest trends, and tech.
This can be a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I’ve grown up surrounded by the newest gadgets and listening to the latest top pop hits, I was also bombarded by strange all sorts of slang at any given moment. This meant that, oftentimes, my parents were just as (if not a bit more) cool than me.
4. They’re young enough to actually remember what it was like, and are a lot more understanding as a result.
When I hit the teenage years, and my parents were hitting their thirties (hard), they could remember much more clearly what it was like to be a teenager. They were more understanding of my mood swings, of my irrational thinking and behavior. And most importantly, they knew there was nothing they could do to stop me from being rebellious, or just a plain old jerk. Instead, they spoke to me, and made sure that I would always feel comfortable talking to them, about whatever I needed to. They informed me on making safe decisions and how to be safe in general out there in the big, bad world. It made me a much smarter person, and opened my eyes to some potentially dangerous situations. I made it through high school and part of college, completely safe, and that is due in large part to my parents open and honest relationship with me.
5. I know they’ll pretty much always be around.
This seems obvious because of their age, but it is definitely true. It’s a relief to not have to seriously think about what life will be like without them, or what I’m going to do when they can’t really take care of themselves anymore, since I’m just twenty years behind. For the most part, they’ve got it handled all on their own. It’s more scary to think that once they pass on, it’ll be a reminder that my turn is just around the corner.
6. While I was going through my crazy, awkward, hormonal teenage stage, they were going through their crazy, awkward, hormonal middle-age stage.
See, because my mom and dad never really got a chance to be young, reckless teenagers (because stupid little me was born), that is sort of happening now. All of a sudden, when I graduated high school and my brother started his junior year, our parents started going to rock concerts and getting tattoos. Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome, but it was a little weird since it was the exact thing I was wanting to do at the time, too. In fact, they were doing it better than I was, going out on random Tuesdays to bars or live music or hanging with their friends, while I was studying or having sleepovers on the weekend and going to bed at 10 every weeknight. It was more like I was the mom and they were the teenagers. Ok, I was a little bitter then, but I completely understand now. Neither of them ever really got the chance to figure themselves out. As soon as they stopped being kids, suddenly they were parents, so once it came time for the 24/7 parenting job to peter out, they were left wondering what exactly they were supposed to do. I’m glad to say that the two of them have figured their crap out now, though, and are a hell of a lot happier as a result.
7. You’re always being mistaken for sisters, friends, cousins, even spouses.
This one is the biggest negative on the list. Nowadays, when the whole family goes to restaurants, people assume we’re a group of friends to dinner together, my brother and I as a couple, and my mom and dad as a couple. Or, when my mom and I head to the mall, she’s assumed to be my sister. The worst of all, though, is if I’m out with my dad and onlookers assume we’re married, which is just, plain creepy. It’s good for them, being assumed to be young, but always a little weird for me. I’m not even sure why. I guess I just want credit for having to deal with them as their daughter.
8. There were mistakes.
Every parent makes mistakes. Any parent who looks back and thinks “Nope, couldn’t have done a thing better” is a liar and probably a terrible parent. Recognizing that something was wrong is healthy and speaks to an ability to be better, which is vital in parenting. In my angsty phase, I would fixate on my parents age and blame that for the mistakes. When I was younger, I would sometimes fixate on things that I knew they’d screwed up and resent them, thinking that any tiny little mess-up was because they’d been young parents. However, as I grew older, I realized that literally every parent screws up at one time or the other. It wasn’t because of the age my mom and dad popped me out, it was because it’s impossible to be perfect.
9. The good outweighs the bad.
I can not tell you how thankful I am to my parents, and how in awe I am of their skill in bringing me up the way they did. I’ve turned out pretty darn great if I say so myself, and that is all thanks to them. The success I’ve obtained, the memories I’ve made, the opportunities I’ve been awarded: all of the good in my life is because they raised me to be who I am. They taught me to learn from my mistakes rather than wallow in them, to strive to be better and be confident. My parents sacrificed so much for me, and I will be forever thankful for what they had to give up in order to give me the incredible life I’ve had so far. I know every kid with young parents can relate to this feeling: pride in them for being so selfless, and for doing what they’ve done for you. I love them more than anything for that. Age is but a number and my parents are proof of that. They did an incredible job as parents, and their age was irrelevant to that fact. It’s a reminder that it doesn’t matter your background, age, gender, orientation, country, time period, hair color: anyone can be a parent, and anyone can do a damn good job of it. So, thank you mom and dad, for being the best parents in the world.
