Rowan Blanchard of "Girl Meets World" is only 14, but she's already made quite a name for herself as an intersectional feminist, LGBTQ activist, and all-around kick ass gal. In her recent article in Rookie Mag, Blanchard discussed how she learned to stop apologizing for who she was. Her struggle is not uncommon; women are constantly made to feel as if they need to act or look a certain way to gain love or approval or success. I certainly have to fight against my instinct to adjust myself based on what others expect of me, so I thought I would compile a short list of things that I think we should all stop apologizing for.
Speaking Your Mind
It's a beautiful thing to have your own opinions and beliefs. They shape who we are; it's how we develop our moral compass. That being said, you will often be faced with people who have views that severely contrast with yours. We've all had debates with conservative relatives or friends with opinions so outlandish you can hardly believe it. The blissful thing about opinions is that everyone is entitled to one. Never feel like you have to apologize to someone just because they disagree with you. This can be difficult; I've had teachers and classmates who refused to accept anyone else's beliefs but their own as valid. It's important to understand as we continue to develop our beliefs and learn and grow that our opinions are valid. Whether it's religious, political, or a preference for tacos over pizza, do not apologize for what you believe in.
What You Love
For so many years we did everything we could to fit in and be liked. It was cool to wear Aeropostale, so you pretended like Hot Topic wasn't your favorite store. All your friends were in the local Girl Scout troop, so you didn't tell a soul you would rather play on the soccer team. Now, as we begin to embrace our individuality and pursue our passions in an environment that encourages such exploration, it's difficult to kick certain habits. There's always something that all your friends hate that you absolutely love. Maybe it's a band or musical you've seen performed at least three times, the songs of which constantly play as a background track to your life. It could be a sports team that you dream of seeing win the World Series or Super Bowl whose jerseys and hats and posters you have all over your walls. Maybe the major you've declared is mostly a boys club and you feel intimidated walking into class. It feels awful when no one else seems to like one of your favorite things, or you're being made to feel as if you don't belong doing something you're passionate about. People can be rude and judgmental because of what you like to do. Allow me to offer you some sage advice: screw them. Do not ever be sorry for what you think is cool. Revel in it! Dance to that music with the volume turned up, yell at the TV during that team's game, show up to class prepared and raise your hand proudly. Know that you belong and that you are responsible for your success. And all the while, be unapologetically you.
Other People's Mistakes
We've all been guilty of this. Your parent is rude to the waiter about their order, your significant other orders five too many drinks and makes a mess at a public place, your friend mouths off to the teacher. And while they storm off, their head held high with pride, you apologize for them. Let's make something very clear: you are not responsible for anyone else. Unless you have a child, then you're super responsible for them. In all kinds of ways. Anyhow, it doesn't do the people you love any good to coddle them. Don't take on the blame for their mistakes or their actions, you don't deserve that burden.
Existing
OK, friends, I'm about to get real. On more than one occasion, I've found myself apologizing when someone else bumps into me or pushes past me on the sidewalk. Seriously, if a man spilled his coffee on my lap I'd probably take the blame. And it's not because I'm an ovetly apologetic person or because I feel guilty. No matter how much I continue to learn about feminism and powerful women, I'm programmed to be embarrassed of everything I say or do. This type of instinctual shame stems back to centuries of women being "seen and not heard" as well as the pressure to be perfect perpetuated by epochal trends like the nuclear family unit. In 2016, we'd like to believe these ideas are extinct, but we must remember that progress is gradual, not all at once. The next time you find yourself muttering an apology, ask yourself: what exactly am I saying sorry for?
