Ah, sweet 19, or something along those lines, right? The past 18 years of my life have been an eventful roller coaster of gracious lifts with a plummeting free fall here and there. No one’s life is perfect, and I don’t think anybody would have the audacity to say such an absurd thing. Through all my years (as if there are many), I’ve learned many lessons that I continue to carry with me throughout day by day. I thought what better way to kick off my 19th year than listing the 18 most important things I’ve learned thus far, and to continue to keep in my mind through the rest of my life, and hopefully, you can take these lessons and carry them to help you through things too! So without further ado, the 18 lessons I’ve learned in life...
1. Be Comfortable Exploring Something Out of Your Comfort Zone
We all did this at a young age starting with not being able to roll over, to rolling over for the first time. Rolling led to crawling, which led to standing, which eventually led to walking. We did these things without thinking, so how come it becomes harder the older we get? If you’re anything like me, it probably took you a while to shed some old skin and actually do things you usually wouldn’t. Strangers scared me, and that was no joke. I freaked out when I had to check out at Target or having to actually talk to the waitress at Applebee’s freaked me out to the point where I would get flustered and freeze. I got my first job back in February and I was incredibly shy at first. Coming out of my shell and realizing I need to actually talk to not only my new coworkers but also the customers of the store was not an easy task, but it was completed. Now I can strike up a conversation with the stranger standing in line behind me and I can now order the brewpub pretzels with beer dip on my own and it feels incredible.
2. Stand Up for Yourself
The issue with being quiet and being afraid of people is letting them walk all over you. I was too afraid to voice my opinions in fear of offending someone else, so I either kept my mouth shut or lied and agreed just to appease them. Little did I know, I was damaging myself and my morals in the process. I’ve learned to know that if I don’t make my voice heard or stand up for my opinions/beliefs, I won’t get much respect from anyone because I can’t even respect myself. Don’t feel bad if someone’s opinions are different from yours, and definitely don’t be afraid to stand up for your own beliefs and opinions if someone tries to shove their views down your throat. Also, don’t be afraid to speak out and stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. They’ll appreciate it a lot more than you’ll ever know, and maybe it’ll even help them gain the courage they’ve been searching for, which leads me to my next point.
3. Be Courageous
This lesson goes hand in hand with the first two points. Ever since I’ve come out of my shell and have started to try new things, I’ve also noticed that my courage levels are slowly climbing as well. Starting college, like any other freshman or transfer student, was nervous about the new environment and making new friends. It’s silly to think that you won’t make friends when a college campus is much bigger than anything you’ll probably be involved in your life. My core group of friends from high school still keeps in touch, but we also branched out together and made our group of three grow to a group of seven. Along with this, I mentioned getting my first job earlier this year. Recently, I was just hired into my second jobs (two jobs...I’m absolutely insane, I know), and like anyone else, I was extremely nervous about learning a lot of new things and starting fresh again after getting so comfortable at job number one. However, I’ve conquered my fears and negative thoughts and I’m kicking butt at Kohl’s now. Be Brave, friends and don’t doubt yourself!
4. Forgiveness
Forgiveness within your heart and within your life in general is such a great quality to have. I’ve been hurt by not only my loved ones and people who I thought would never hurt me, but also the one person who is most dangerous to me...myself. For a long time, I was livid at those who have hurt me and wanted revenge on them. Thinking to myself, knowing that I would be hurting someone intentionally felt dirty to me and I would end up hurting myself more in the end by doing so. The best course of action to take would be to forgive those who had hurt me and move on. Looking back on everything now, I’ve realized that those who hurt me the most taught me the most valuable lessons, and I can now genuinely forgive them for everything. I’ve done things in the past that aren’t very kind to myself—self-doubt, negative talk, and lack of self-respect. Damage done is something that most people keep in mind. Most importantly, however, to fully move on we need to forgive. It’s impossible to forget, but the sooner we forgive and move on, the less toxic we will become to ourselves and those around us, and we also learn how to let things go.
5. Let It Go
OK, so I may not be Elsa the Ice Queen, but just give me a minute to explain this lesson. I mentioned the act of moving on and how it’s not possible unless you forgive first. To be present and actually live in the now, you have to let go of what used to be and grasp onto what is current. Although it’s a lot easier said than done, you have to let go of the people who are bad for you. These people are the ones who mean the most to us sometimes, which is incredibly unfortunate. These people reflect on your soul and make you turn sour, sometimes. Just remember, you can’t have a beautiful, healthy garden without giving it sunshine, water, and weeding it when necessary. You deserve happiness, replenishment, and you are worth more than the weeds you have in your life. Get out the weed killer, and blossom alongside the nicer seeds in the world!
6. Own Up To Everything (Even Who You Are)
There’s no argument when it comes to perfection. We all aspire to this idea of perfection, yet not a single human being is perfect, nor will any of us ever be. I will be the first to admit I’ve been through a boat load of struggles, however I do not let it define me and I don’t let it affect me as much as I used to. Like almost every other child, I was bullied quite a bit back in school. I was called unfair names and it hurt my feelings. Just because Susie called me fat, and Bobby said that I looked like a dog, doesn’t mean I have to believe that about myself. I don’t go walking around on all fours and rolling over for a cupcake or a bowl of ice cream. Some people are always going to have something to say, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it define you. I walk around knowing now that everyone has a different taste, and I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m OK with that. Don’t let people and/or their words define you or your emotions. You are the only you there is in this world. We need you. We like you.
7. Some Things You Simply Cannot Change
This one took some time for me to get used to and accept. When you’re used to routine, it’s hard to get comfortable with something new and/or different. Little things come up in life where it’s easy to adapt to change and get back into the swing of things. However, most major changes rock our worlds and either in a negative or positive way depending on the situation. My biggest struggle with this was trying to change everything back to the way it was before and not being able to adapt to change. You feel like a major part of yourself is missing and your world comes crashing down right before us, and the pieces lay surrounding our feet with us puzzled on how to put them back together. It is possible. Step 1: Remember everything happens for a reason, and don’t try to force something or change something that isn’t going to be an easy fix. Change is necessary in our lives, and although it may be upsetting at first, sometimes these changes bring us much more joy and excitement than what we had before.
8. Some Friendships Don't Last a Lifetime
We always make promises to our friends about friends forever and we’ll always be there for them. It’s important to give your friends your word, but it’s also important to remember that if you’re not always friends with someone, that’s OK too. As we grow older, we grow more into our own selves and our own characters. It’s bound to happen that you will grow apart from the person who has the other half of the “best friends” heart necklace. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t hate this person either. I had a very close friend in high school freshman year to the end of sophomore year. We both grew and changed, and that’s OK. We don’t talk anymore, but I would be there for her in heartbeat if she ever needed me. Be open to new people and the new friendships you could make. I’ve made some awesome new friends this first semester of college, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
9. Death Kills More Than the Soul It Strikes
Death is a part of life and it occurs every day. It’s easy to empathize with someone when they lose someone they love. However, if the person you lost was someone of major importance, a little part of you dies with them. I lost my grandmother five years ago, and I will never be the same person I was back then. Obviously, people grow up and change, but my grandmother became a huge part of me and without her, I didn’t know who I was at first. I still have days where I feel extremely lost and confused and just want to talk to her. We grew close due to many occasions: rides home from school, rides to sports practice, and talking on the phone every day when she would call and talk to my mom. If I had known I would’ve lost her so soon, I would’ve appreciated and cherished her much more. I talked to her two weeks before she died. I have never forgiven myself for not talking to her before that, and telling her I love her just one more time. That’s the funny thing; you never know when someone’s last day is. Never take anyone for granted and make sure that the people you care about know on a daily basis.
10. Emotions...and How to Cope
When someone goes through a tragedy, there is going to be heartache and hurt and emotions gone haywire, so it’s important to learn what coping mechanism works best for you. When I was struggling through a lot of heartache after losing my grandmother and a bunch of other things compiled onto that, I was overwhelmed with emotions and only being 13 going on 14, I didn’t know how to deal with what I felt. I did things I probably shouldn’t have to deal with emotions, but eventually I found an outlet. Whenever I feel angry, stressed, anxious, etc., I always dance to get out my emotions and I realize afterward, I feel better not only emotionally, but it’s how I sneak my exercise in as well! Find well what works for you and go from there.
11. It’s OK to Not Be OK
We’d all love to be invincible and have nothing hurt us. We’d all love it if when something happened that hurt us, we didn’t have to feel anything, and we could just move on unshaken. We’re human, that’s not possible. I don’t think it’s said enough, but it’s OK to not be OK. Everyone expects so much out of each other, and they don’t allow you to have bad days and feel real emotions. I’m here to assure you it’s OK to feel pain. It’s OK to express this. Don’t be ashamed to cry, and don’t be embarrassed either. We all do it, so don’t let anyone make you feel any less of who you are just because you’re feeling emotion. You’ll feel so much better after admitting you’re not OK.
12. Honesty is Always Key
My parents taught me from a young age that I should always be honest. My mom always said that she would rather me be honest than me lie to her because she would be more mad that I felt I had to lie. I’ve always carried this with me, but I still lied at times when I would get in trouble. I’ve learned now that being honest is always the best choice, even if it will hurt some feelings. I make sure that if my friends and family trust me enough to ask for my opinions and to not lie to them, I make sure that I am always honest with them, and of course I keep their feelings in consideration, but I still said what is need to be said. I’ve also learned that not only is it important to be honest with others, but also with yourself. Otherwise, you’ll be living a lie, and where is the fun in that? I take the same policy and viewpoint I have of my friends to myself, and make sure I am always honest with myself, even if it’s not what I want.
13. Take Care of You, Too
Although painting the town with friend is always a blast, it’s also important to have nights to yourself. It’s so so so important to take some days just for you to veg out and spend some alone time with yourself catching up on the latest "American Horror Story" episode or just binge-watching a series on Netflix. I’m not saying swear off going out with friends, but at least take one night every week just for you. Make sure you get enough sleep and be as active as possible. If you can’t do a full-fledged workout, choose the steps over the elevator. And you know, sometimes it’s even OK to choose the carton of Ben and Jerry’s after a final instead of Menchies. We’ve all been there, it’s OK.
14. Strength is Possible to Achieve Anywhere on Your Journey
One of the most important things I’ve realized this far is that the things that have hurt us the most are the things that can help make us grow stronger. That all depends on you and if you’re able to see the sunshine after the torrential downpour. Don’t get discouraged on where you currently are wherever your next major destination is. You’ll reach it, and your strength will carry you through it!
15. No is Always an Option
This one is simple. Many questions can be answered with a simple yes or no. Don’t feel obliged to always say yes. If you’re not comfortable with something or just flat out don’t want to do it, no is always a valuable option. Don’t feel like you owe anyone anything, especially your self-respect.
16. Mind Your Own Biscuits and Life Will Be Gravy
First off, thank you Kacey Musgraves for the awesome title of this fact of life. We’re all entitled to our own opinions. However, just because you don’t agree with someone or their actions doesn’t give you the right to shame them or give them labels to what fit into your beliefs. We all do things that we feel is right for us and what we will benefit from. We’re all capable of making decisions for ourselves, so why is it so hard for us to keep our noses out of others business? If you wouldn’t want someone watching every move you make and judging you based upon them, then don’t do that to anyone else (this includes the judgment that we say in our heads to ourselves too. It isn’t nice!).
17. Next Stop: Reality Check
Life sure is crazy, but it’s worth the ride! With life, you’re going to through good things—weddings, newborn babies, that job promotion, or even achieving your biggest dreams! Unfortunately, wherever there is good, bad seems to follow, which means nasty things like illness, death, and anything as simple as a flat tire can totally throw off your entire aura. What’s important to remember is to appreciate life and all that you have and all that you have been given. There may be someone richer than you, but there is always someone who is poorer too. Also, don’t take for granted the fact that you’re alive and breathing, people die every day. If you’re still here, don’t take it for granted.
18. Live For Yourself—Grow & Thrive!
Always make it a point to better yourself. Grasp onto something from every situation in your life, and take something from it and carry it with you and learn from it. Don’t forget to take chances and chase after those crazy dreams, after all...anything is possible as long as you believe in it and yourself! Always remember to take it day by day and don’t get too far ahead of yourself. We’re all at different places in life. Some may be further along the race than us. Others may be further behind us, but we all have at least one other person who’s right beside us experiencing some of what we do. Today’s a great day to do something new!
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” — "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
