Growing up, I thought everyone thought this way. I never knew that I was different, unique. I assumed that all of my friends saw things in color, just like I did. Wasn't Wednesday universally yellow and the song "Uptown Girl", magenta?
It wasn't until I was a freshman in high school that I discovered, through a novel with a protagonist who heard in color, that I too was blessed with a synesthetic mind. Huh? What does that mean? Well, I have a"condition" (for lack of a better word) called synesthesia, which dictionary.com defines as "a sensation produced in one modality when a stimulus is applied to another modality". Translated to everyday English, this essentially means that my senses "cross paths" in my brain. When one sense is triggered, it often triggers a response in another sense as well.
There are different variations of synesthesia; really, any combination of senses is possible. I mainly experience seeing colors in my "mind's eye"when I hear sounds. Synesthesia transcends just the five senses, as well; often, abstract sequential figures such as letters, numbers, weekdays, and months, are associated with colors. Each letter of the alphabet and numerical digit has its own color. This is why synesthetes usually are good with math and spelling; we know how the colors of a word or equation blend together, and if one character is changed, the colors are off and we know it's wrong.
Synesthesia commonly has a spatial element as well. Colors, letters, and numbers all have a position in my head, among their own imaginary timelines. Kristen, of the FrugalGirl blog, does a great job of explaining this. She writes, "...when I think about the months of the year, they appear on sort of a racetrack shape in my head, and when I think of certain events, I place them at the appropriate point on the track."
Picture that you're standing in the middle of your bedroom. Though you might not be in that exact location at this very moment, your memory and sense of direction enable you to recall the orientation of your room, like which walls face east or north. In a similar way, I have a sense of direction pertaining to letters, months, and other successive things. It's almost as if I'm standing in a room of my own imagination, but instead of dressers, windows, and other traditional bedroom furnishings, there are numbers, letters, or numbers. I can envision their placement even though I am not physically in that "room".
Do you think I'm crazy yet? Just wait.
Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of my synesthesia is how it comes through in music. Music is a huge part of my life; everything I do, think, and experience, even the most left-brained things, have a musical context and significance. Music paints my world with color.
Each note conjures vivid, living pictures in my mind. A song's key determines its color. Songs set in A? A dramatic, energetic red. The key of C#? A misty green. G is a rich royal blue. Like letters and numbers, musical keys also are spatially located in my mind, meaning that each key "faces" a certain direction which I can envision. My piano teacher used to make me face the wall while he played a note, which I would then identify by thinking about the color and "location" of its tone in my mind. 9 times out of 10, I would be spot on!
I love having jam sessions with friends, accompanying them on piano or guitar. They're always amazed that I can play any song they request without music; this isn't because I pull the chord tabs from the dark recesses of some vast mental database of every song known to man. Rather, I am able to envision the chord progression in my mind and go from there. I'll spare you the technicalities of music theory and just chalk it up to my synesthesia making things really, really cool. It actually can be kind of detrimental, though, because if someone plays the wrong chord it bugs the living daylights of of me! It's safe to say that synesthesia has made me a music snob...I can't even deny that.
I don't say all of these things to toot my own horn. It's not talent of myself, but is truly something God put in me to bring Him glory. It's been one of my biggest joys and blessings!
My synesthesia is so elaborate that I could never begin to fully explain it. I can't put into words the emotions it brings about, feelings too complex to even partially be labeled by our simple system of "happy", "sad", or "mad". What I wrote about here? It barely scratches the surface of how my life is touched by this phenomenon, this gift.
I used to feel discouraged when trying to explain it to people. The emotional aspect I just talked about? It killed me not being able to express it.
Then, I realized that God understood. He fully understood what I experienced. After all, He MADE my very mind. I wasn't the only one to have discovered this "Narnia" of sorts... not only did there exist someone else who understood it, but this very “someone else” was totally accessible and wanted a relationship with ME!
What's more, I began to see synesthesia as a true expression of God's beauty. The marvelous, ethereal, otherworldly mental pictures that I experience daily but could never recreate? the ones with more dimension and texture than any art gallery has ever seen? They are but reflections of their creator. Synesthesia may be the purest form of beauty that I think I have ever experienced, and yet God's beauty exceeds it infinitely. This same God is the one I put my trust in, the one who holds my life in His hand.
I originally set out to write this article to shed light on this interesting phenomenon. When people ask about my synesthesia, I never have the short, two-sentence answer they’re looking for, so I wanted to write something once and for all to inform others and also maybe help them discover if they themselves are synesthetes.
However, maybe there’s something more for you here. Maybe you feel like you are alone in your experiences—good or bad. Perhaps you’re struggling and feel like nobody can relate or understand. Listen, you aren’t the only one who struggles with whatever you’re going through—no matter how much it may feel like you are. But I’m here to tell you something more. There is someone out there who understands. He created you and knows everything about you. Jesus is familiar with our suffering and temptation. You are not alone in the things you experience--there is a God who completely understands what you're going through, one who wants to walk beside you each step of the way.
Sorry if I totally confused you with all this talk. Synesthesia can be pretty hard to imagine if you have never experienced it. However, it's just as hard for a synesthete to imagine life without it. Hopefully I shed some light and was able to maybe even encourage you in some way. What do you think? Can you relate to this crazy phenomenon? Let's talk! If you have any questions whatsoever (even if you just want to know "what color your name is"--a common question I get-- talk to me!)
