"For as long as I can remember, I've been told the kind of man I should grow up to be. As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys but that acceptance meant I had to acquire this almost disgusted view of the feminine, and since we've been told that feminine is the opposite of masculine, I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities or face rejection myself."
This is real life. Men are strong while women are weak. The stronger the man, the more man he is. These are the lessons that have subconsciously become engraved in our brains at a young age and remain engraved throughout adulthood.
A couple of weeks ago Jane The Virgin actor, Justin Baldoni, courageously stood up on stage at the TEDWomen Conference and introduced us all to a deeper part of his heart. He presented the world with a topic that many people, especially men, refuse to dissect and look past the toxic preconceived definition. He shed a desperately needed light onto what being "a real man" really means. His words spoke nothing less than sincere truth at a volume loud enough to ignite a change in a universal mindset.
Baldoni gave us an insider's glimpse of his childhood days, where his father, a man of pure nurture and sensitivity, raised him the only way he knew how. To flourish into a man with a big heart and a genuine soul. Instead of being taught the things that "define" a man, you know the basics like hunting, fighting, anything that requires physical capabilities, Baldoni recalls being taught that being a man meant being able to sacrifice and do whatever possible to take care and provide for one's family.
That's not all. There is a far larger idea that men today have a problem facing. In fact, even a problem admitting. An idea that Baldoni has experienced first hand, I have witnessed close up and you have probably encountered yourself.
In today's society, men find talking about their struggles, fears, insecurities, and emotions more difficult than anything else. Men have been molded into think that talking about sensitive topics are clear signs of weakness. They are afraid that if they put their ego aside, and express anything that grants an outsider entry to their heart and mind, they will immediately lose the respect they as men deserve.
This is not true. This is where society is flawed. Being vulnerable and authentic requires far more courage than putting on a show. Having the strength to be sensitive is by far more manly than hiding behind a thick layer of emotions. Acting like you have everything figured out when deep down you feel lost and overwhelmed is a greater sign of weakness than you could ever imagine.
In the world of "men", hiding honest emotion is a norm. A type of norm that develops into an ongoing competition between the entire male population. The first one to crack is considered the weakest of the bunch. Any sign of sensitivity is termed "gay shit" that is often times followed by an insult that belittles the other, to boost one's own self-esteem. What do I think about it? A man who thinks it's "gay" to express even just an ounce of sensitivity is nothing more than a complete coward, especially when it comes to rape culture.
Stories of sexual harassment and rape are surfacing current events more and more to the point where we shakingly add another tally to the count. During his talk, Baldoni wholeheartedly expressed a concept that boldly sent goosebumps through every audience member's skin. Being a real man means to be courageous enough to "dive headfirst into your shame". He proposed a question to the men, asking them if they would be strong enough to "stand up to other men when you hear 'locker room talk," when you hear stories of sexual harassment? When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words 'me too?'".
Men, will you?
Instead of conforming and joining the group of "men" who belittle the feminine and who disrespect women, will you stand up to them? Will you be strong enough to do so?
It's crucial for all men to dive deep into the depths of their heart. To value being a good human over being a good man, because being a good human is the new definition of being a great man. It's important for them to acknowledge the idea that expressing emotion is what is needed for a healthier state of mind. It is needed to create a safer place on this earth for absolutely everyone.
Being a real man means to be courageous enough to stick up for the well being of the people around you. Being a real man means having the strength to ask for help when you're feeling lost. To say words like "I love you" or "I need you" in public and not behind closed doors. It's time for a fresh state of mind. It's time to revise the set guidelines for defining what a "real man" truly means. And with that being said, I want to say thank you, Justin Baldoni.
Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you on behalf of every woman who appreciates your words, and on behalf of every man whose heart you've successfully touched. It takes a leader to start a movement, and I am happy to say that you are driving society in a much-needed direction.
Check out Justin Baldoni TEDTalk down below:
https://www.ted.com/talks/justin_baldoni_why_i_m_d...
