You already know who you are.
When I first met you, I had no expectations. I thought you were such an attractive guy and I would have no chance with you. The role you would play in my life is the attractive guy that I shared mutual friends with and so happened to live across the hall from one of our mutual friends. I would try to say words to you here and there, but I kept to myself afraid of rejection. You added me on Facebook a month after we first met and slowly the giddy side in me came about as we wasted no time between acceptance of a friend request to immediate messaging. A few messages in, we were flirting easily and you had asked me to hang out the next day. We said goodnight, then you woke me up with a good morning text the next day.
It was so easy to fall for you. We started spending every day with each other or texting every chance we had. We found time in between studying or work to take a trip to Starbucks or watch TV for a break. I found myself smiling at my phone again, which resulted in an overall happier appearance, even though we were heading into finals week (which is one of the most stressful weeks ever). I lived for our late nights. You started to put color into my eyes again as they lit up every time I spoke of you or saw you. Where I was at in my life and reasons for why I was there started to make sense with you. I didn't know that those colorful eyes would then be welling up with tears because of you.
We used to look at each other in a way I didn't believe it was real. Maybe that's why it became so easy to open up to you with every secret I had. We used to always say that we were amazed that we could feel so comfortable with each other in such a short amount of time. We talked through every insecurity of mine. You listened as I just talked and most importantly, you wiped away my tears when I cried at the fears or broken past that I have. You held me tight when we talked about every scar, and I felt nothing less than accepted. I remember you looked me in the eyes and apologized for the pain I felt before you and you promised I wouldn't feel that again. I trusted those words just like I trusted you with my secrets.
Summer came, and we weren't ready to be separated. We were scared, but we were confident. It started and it seemed nothing like a summer fling. We were two kids living it up between text messages, FaceTime at night and counting down to the weekends until we could see each other again. We spent miles driving to each other and hours goofing around seeing each other's hometown. We got lost in yours by a pond where we got to sit and talk. We talked about a future after graduation and what our goals were. We only knew each other for two months, but it didn't stop us from wanting to see each other in each other's future. We thought we had it all figured out as you looked at me and called me your keeper. I trusted you that was what I was to you. You would wonder how you got so lucky as to have met me. I trusted you to never lose sight of that.
As soon as things are going great, they always have to turn south for some unknown reason. Drama entered our lives and tore us down completely. I began seeing pictures with another girl and screenshots of words you were saying. I felt my heart drop and my mouth fumble for words. This was the first day that my tears were actually because of you. You tried explaining to me on the phone the misunderstandings and the mistakes, but all I could think about was how the guy I trusted is now one I have to second guess. I took your word on everything, and I agreed to work it out. You promised me you wanted to earn my trust back, so I began trusting you that you would prove it to me. You broke it again a few weeks after.
I didn't know how wrong I could be about you. You handed me every reason to believe in you and trust you, and then you became like everyone in the past I told you about. Now you are out there in the world knowing my insecurities and my secrets because I trusted you with them. Most importantly, I trusted you with my heart. I have been damaged in the past, as you know, and I was afraid to let anyone in again. Then you came along so easily and made me feel so comfortable, which made me believe that my luck had changed. Now, you're with the girl you told me not to worry about and who you talked so negatively about. All you ended up giving me were empty promises and lies, whereas I thought I was getting happiness and memories.
I regret ever letting you in the way I did. I cannot turn back time, but I can promise you one thing. I promise you that you're going to miss me, but I am going to keep on walking when I see you. If it's one thing I have learned, you can't have someone in your life knowing full well that you don't trust them. I won't be taking you back when you miss me, so I hope she was worth it.
