Hello, lovelies! This edition of Just the Tips is all about trusting your partner and what to do when politics enter the bedroom. As always, don't forget to send in your questions here, we love hearing from you.
1. When can you allow yourself to trust another person?
Angie: This may seem like funny advice, but you can also check with friends and acquaintances. The answers to prompts like "What do you think of so-and-so?" or "Do you know anything about the cute dark-haired guy from class?" can be really revealing: if your friends have heard of bad experiences with this person, look out. If they don't know anything or have positive stories, then you can feel easier about opening up.
Cass: Never, it's a trap. Kidding! But in all honesty, trust varies from person to person and also depending on who you are trying to trust. You just have to know what feels right and if you have a little doubt about trusting this person, then maybe you're not quite ready yet. And that's okay, because you can always get there later.
For me, trust just happens—there's no moment where I think, "Ah, yes, I trust this person now," but as I spend time with them, listen to the kind of jokes they make, and hear their thoughts and advice, I get more (or less) comfortable around them. When I want to share details about myself with a person that I would never share with a stranger, that's how I know I trust them—but I chronically overshare, so take that with a grain of salt!
2. If a guy breaks up with you because you won’t have sex with him, did he ever really love you? Or was it all a lie?
A: It doesn't mean he never loved you—it just means you two have different needs and priorities. For some people, having sex is a really important part of being in a relationship. For others, it's less important. People move at different speeds, and sometimes that creates rifts. Being broken up with for a reason like that totally sucks, but it doesn't mean you two never had anything between you!
C: It depends, did he know how you feel about having sex with him and still continue dating you while telling you it was okay? If so, this guy is an asshole and you're better off without him. If it happened out of the blue then that's also concerning that he couldn't accept your boundaries and what you feel comfortable with and decided sex was more important. I agree with Angie that it depends because you could have different priorities from each other, however depending on the length of the relationship and any background on if there has been prior discussion around sex impacts this situation. Regardless, just know at the end of the day you have to live with and be happy with your choices while he has to live with his
3. How do you deal with political disagreements with your S/O?
A: Some debate can be fun and informative—dating a copy of yourself would be boring, because you'd always agree! You and your significant other might end up learning some things about each other and the world if you entertain a little political debate. If your views vary drastically, I recommend evaluating how important politics are to you. In my case, I have to date someone with similar political views because I associate political opinions with certain broad ideals, morals, and goals, and I don't think I could be with a partner who doesn't share my morals. That doesn't mean I hate to debate, or that I want someone whose opinions line up with what I believe EXACTLY (because let's be real, I love to argue), but I have a line. If you find your S/O's views are upsetting you or you feel like you have to change them, that's a conversation you need to have: either agree to stop discussing politics altogether or consider moving on to someone else.
C: Personally I have a rule I don't talk politics with anyone, point blank period. It's not because I don't care about politics, it's because I don't care about your political opinion. However, what I do care about is when your political views start to impact your morals such as believing not everyone should have access to housing and healthcare or that same-sex marriage should be illegal. If you're disagreeing about small petty things with your significant other then you should probably, as Angie said, either agree to stop talking about it or work through it. If their political opinion heavily impacts your relationship and you can't get past the disagreements, then maybe it's time to reevaluate what's most important to you.
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