Some of the greatest relationships start out from friendships first.
My boyfriend, for example, was one of my best friends. We studied together, shopped together and would spend most of our nights either out at the bars together or at home playing video games. It didn’t take long before we started falling for one another and our friendship transformed into something deeper.
This friendship created a very stable and comfortable foundation for our relationship. To be quite honest, it was great dating my best friend because not only did I have someone I confided in with all of my deepest darkest secrets, I also had someone who would hold me at night and let me know that everything would be okay.
Now I said SOME of the greatest relationships start from a friendship, but what happens when the two of you break up. That is the situation I am currently experiencing.
Why can't we be friends with our exes?
We all dream of it; we all hope to be that one that can make it work but does it really? These are a few things I have come to terms with.
Dua Lipa says it best, “if you’re under him, you ain’t gettin’ over him!"
In order to get completely over your ex, you need to stay away from him.
Especially right after the event when you are the most vulnerable, it is so easy for them to convince you to see them but DON’T DO IT. At this time, you are in the “in between," sexually frustrated and second-guessing all your decisions but the best option is to keep your distance.
Sex complicates everything and if you think you are confused now, just wait until the next morning when you wake up next to him.
Also, your friendship will never be the same. PERIOD. It will never go back to what it used to be because now you have this constant resentment even when you don’t mean to. You’re hurt, and that is completely understandable but this anger will present itself in any given situation or argument you guys have. He is going to try to make up for hurting you but deep down you know, he was the one person you trusted and loved and he broke that. It is difficult to ever depend on him the same way ever again and that changes everything, no matter how bad you want to go back to the way things used to be.
Honestly, this is a very emotional time for the both of you and if you truly want to be civil in the future, it needs to happen after the healing process is complete. If he pushes to be friends, usually that means he:
A. He still wants you to be in his life
or
B. He regrets his decision
Basically, the guy still wants you…. but not the responsibility of a relationship. But guess what, you can’t have your cake and eat it too buddy! That is so selfish to string you along and be “just friends” because they can’t deal with the pain of having you out of their life forever. If they truly care about you, they will let you heal, take the appropriate time you need to work things through and build yourself back up again.
Most people aren’t friends with their ex-lover, that is why we call them our exes. We cross them out of our lives because it is healthy to move on to bigger and better things that will benefit our futures.
Don’t waste time on people who don’t appreciate you because life is way too short. Find someone who loves all of you, for your strengths and weaknesses. We all love love and that is why it hurts so much losing it.
Just know that the healing process is long but eventually you will come back, stronger than ever and you will find love again.
For now, take care of yourself because that should always be your top priority.
