If I am being honest, this week has been one bad day after another. I’ve put myself in a dark self-loathing, self-pitying hole that continued to get deeper with every day. I do my best to put on a smile and act OK around everyone, because letting people know how you really feel, and what you’re really going through is seen as weakness, and my Momma and Daddy didn’t raise a weak girl. Behind closed doors, away from watchful eyes and listening ears, I wallowed in how “hard” my life had become. I thought to myself, “That’s it, I can’t take anymore.” I should have knocked on wood, because the second I decided that was it, I couldn’t handle anymore this week, I was kicked in the back of the knees, again. The thing is you can’t knock someone down who is already down to begin with. Then why did I feel like I was falling down all over again? My soul is tired, my heart is heavy, and I am most definitely sleep-deprived, but I am alive, and I, like you, am much stronger than I thought. I was anchoring myself to the ground with the weight of my own negativity. I was a prisoner to myself trapped behind bars of insecurities, self-pity, and self-doubt. That final push was exactly what I needed to stand back up and release myself. When we sit for so long, our joints get stiff and we need to use our hands to support some of our weight and balance ourselves to stand back up. I needed that extra push to knock me on my hands so I could stand back up. My life is far from bad. My life is amazing, beautiful, and it is privileged. I’ve had a few bad days, but my life is not bad. I walk with shoes on my feet and clothes on my body; I drink clear water; I speak my religion and worship my God without fear of persecution; and I live a worthy life, pursuing whatever dreams my heart and soul desires.
It’s so easy to get caught up in myself, my world, that I forget that the world and this life are not my own. I am here for a purpose: to serve my Lord, and he has blessed me abundantly even though I often fall short. We all have had bad days, and more will come, but just remember not to dwell on them, and know that they will end and the sun will rise again. In my 19 years here I have learned it’s not always easy, I don’t always get my way, and sometimes I will never know why some things didn’t work out, but that’s OK. That’s OK because one day looking back on your life the bad days won’t seem so bad, and the struggles won’t seem so hard, but the good memories, the happy ones, those never fade away. I have also learned it's OK to show how you're truly feeling. It's not weak. It's healthy to release all the negativity and refresh your mind and soul. Don't be afraid to lean on the people around you for encouragement and support. Most importantly, remember it's just a bad day, not a bad life.
"Don't ruin a good today over a bad yesterday."
