We all have formed those friendships that our mom’s never approved of, but just like every other time you think that your parents don’t know what they are talking about, you are surprised when yet again your parents are better judges of character than you thought.

I’ve been fighting my mom’s judgments for many years and after this last knock-down drag-out I had with someone I called my “best friend,” I started realizing that maybe she did know what she was talking about.

I was entering my senior year of high school and every one already had their set friend groups and cliques and all of my friends graduated so I started to make some new friends. I didn’t fit in with the popular crowd and I didn’t want to, but I still wanted to make some friends because no one wants to be alone in high school.

I took an advanced class that only had twelve students and one girl particularly stuck out to me. I knew we had some mutual friends and she seemed like she would be fun to be around. We got extremely close because we were going to the same college and our boyfriends had a lot in common. We spent every day together and she became the best friend I thought I always wanted.

We were inseparable. She came to me for every single problem she had and I did the same. We always complimented each other and we never left each other’s sides. But there was a big problem that I ignored for so long. We were always together and when we were together no one wanted to talk to us. My other friends started to drift away from me and I heard that people did not like her as much, but they wouldn’t tell me why.

When I brought her over to my house my mom had one comment when she left. She asked me why the only conversations we had were gossip about other people. My mom repeatedly told me that talking bad about other people wouldn’t make me a better person, but I never noticed this fatal flaw until I was on the other side.

I realized that all we talked about was other people and cast judgments on every person in school. She did not like a single person I made a positive comment about and always had some gossip about everyone. I didn’t understand why she was like that and at first I didn’t give in, but her actions started to rub off me and I started becoming a very hateful person. We never left each other’s sides because we didn’t have anyone else.

This particular friend that made me realize my mom knew exactly what trouble I was getting into, had a lot of problems with almost everyone. It didn’t seem so bad that it was just us against everyone else, until I realized how many friendships I was missing out on. When I started making other friends and doing things with other people, the gossip that she used to share with me, was about me. I never realized how toxic a gossip-driven friendship would be until I was on the outside looking in.

Even today this friend centers her life around putting others down to make herself feel better and I have seen how negatively that impacts her life. I am constantly the center of the gossip and I’ve learned now that I just need to listen to my mom and her advice about what kind of friendships are valuable and healthy and which ones are not.

My mom taught me to never value a friendship that isolates you from others and never talk poorly of someone else to benefit you and do not be a friend to those who act this way because when you are behind the trigger it doesn’t hurt, but when you are in front of the loaded gun, it’s a whole different story.