Scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, and clicking through Snapchat stories this past Sunday for Mother's Day, I saw a bunch of the same comment, "Thank you, mom, for being my best friend." I too am guilty of saying this. I'm not saying that the statement is false, but the more I thought about it, I realized I could not have said it several years ago.
Growing up, I was a good child. I've heard stories that if I did something wrong, I would tell on myself. I only got a spanking once from my mom because I hid from her in a store. I got scolded by my dad and cried for hours afterward because I had upset him. My mom said all she had to do was look at me with a stern face and I would cry. I have been extremely fortunate to have an amazing relationship with my parents, but that doesn't mean we always saw eye to eye.
Once middle school and high school hit, I wanted more freedom. I wanted to be independent. I wanted my mom to let me do all the things everyone else my age and older were doing. But she didn't. I would get so angry and upset, complaining that she never let me do anything. My "friends" would say she was crazy, and some even encouraged me to lie. Of course, I wanted to fit in, and eventually pushed my "goody two shoes" title aside and did what I wanted regardless of what she said. That came with consequences. No phone. No tv. No computer. No hanging out with friends or my boyfriend. You get the idea.
My mom and I would argue about the smallest things, sometimes even yell. What I would wear. What time I had to be home. Who's house I was staying the night at. What days my boyfriend was allowed to come over. Texting her my plans instead of asking her permission to do things. The list goes on and on. She was not my best friend. If anything she annoyed the heck out of me and I wanted to be anywhere but at home, where she could tell me what to do.
I am not proud of those moments when I was an absolute brat. In fact, it's embarrassing and I wish I could go back and change it.
But because of the past, I know for a fact my mother is a woman of God. She is called to:
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6
Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4
And that is exactly what my mom strived to do. Nowhere in those verses was my mom called to be my best friend. That was not her job. I'm sure she would have liked that, but her duty was to raise me in the best possible way she knew how, that would be pleasing to The Lord.
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. -Proverbs 13:24
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. -Proverbs 22:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.-Proverbs 29:15
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. -Proverbs 29:17
Looking back on it now, my mom was just trying to keep me safe. She wanted me to stay young and innocent and carefree, as long as she could. She wanted me to have a happy life with a few less mistakes than she made growing up. She made her rules based upon what she knew was best for me, because she was older, wiser, and more experienced. She diligently disciplined me because she loved me. Not because she was out to get me or make my life miserable.
I admire my mom for putting up with me all those years when she thought her words went in one ear and out the other, but today I can tell you they did not. What she has taught me and said to me have stuck me with me and I know I am a better person because of it. When facing a difficult situation, I can hear her voice in my head of past advice and lecturing. I know she wants me to take on each day as a follower of Christ, being humble, and good to all. I know she loves me more than most people on this Earth because she didn't care if I liked her growing up. She didn't care if she was my best friend. She didn't care if we had arguments or if she had to ground me and take away all my privileges. What she did care about was raising me the right way, and keeping me safe, and if that's not love then I don't know what is.
So I'm thankful my mom was not my best friend growing up, because at that time, that's not what I needed. She taught me so much through discipline and through being the mother God called her to be. I'm thankful she stood her ground in arguments, and was not afraid to put me in my place. I'm thankful she loved me enough to do whatever she had to do to get me to where I am today. My mom is one in a million, and I'm glad God chose her for me.
Thank you, mom, for being a parent first, and now twenty years later being my best friend. I love you.
