As I sit directly in the midst of my college experience, with two years behind me and two years ahead of me, I have to stop and look at everything I’ve done, and will do and really let the journey sink in, as it was so fast that parts of it I really haven’t been aware of.
I think back to move-in day, and how blissfully innocent I was, really just wanting to read my book in my bed and not socialize. I think back to the first week at school and how I can’t even remember how I became friends with one of my best friends, and how much popcorn chicken I ate. I think back to coming home for winter break the first time and feeling the difference between school and home.
I think back to leaving my freshmen dorm and how brokenhearted I was, because that was my home, my closest friends, my favorite place on campus for so many days. I think back to coming back sophomore year and feeling like I went to a different school entirely. I think back to being what felt like eighty different versions of myself within the first two months because I had no idea what to do without the security of my first-year floor anymore.
But I also think back to joining Dance Marathon, joining Senate, joining everything that I possibly could to find my way. I remember the first time I felt like I had found my way, the first time I was really truly happy sophomore year. Through whatever ups and downs came my way last year, I know I wouldn’t be where I am going into this year if the downs didn’t happen, and I know I wouldn’t have made it through the downs if the ups weren’t so good.
I’m literally between the beginning of college and the end, I can’t help but feel the weight of the change in me since I was the eighteen year old girl who left home for the very first time. I started out in the business school, and two years later, I’m looking at medical schools instead. I started out with very fixed ideas of who I was, and was going to be, and I couldn’t be more different now than I was back then, whether it’s because people always change over time, or because maybe I wasn’t who I was supposed to be two years ago. Every fall that I’ve come back to school feels like an entirely new adventure waiting for me, and as much as I’m so grateful for the result of it, it’s such a rollercoaster to look back on. The funny part is to feel like I’ve put in so much effort into figuring my self, or my life out, and still knowing I have so much more to figure out. I still barely have any idea what I’m doing on a regular basis, but I’ve gotten really good at doing exactly what’s right in front of me to get me to the next steps of what I need to do. I guess that’s the best you can do when you put four thousand kids, ages 18 to 22, all of whom are trying to find their way in some form or another, together on 2,300 acres.
So come at me, junior year, I can’t wait to see what you bring, and what you have in store for the next phase of this whirlwind that’s called college.
I’m ready.
