Everyone has their flaws. Whoever you may be, you have most likely gone through a lack of confidence. There comes a point where some of us don’t like who we see in the mirror- that feeling of disapproval of the person we are. We look deeper at the flaws that make us question if we are good enough. In all honestly, everything is beyond the surface. It is more than the physical appearance.
For me, I struggled for a long time with my confidence. And it wasn’t because I wasn’t loved enough as a child. In reality, I got more love than anyone could imagine. And it wasn’t because of any dramatic experience I went through. I was just a girl trying to see where I can fit in, in this crazy world of ours, all while trying to find out who I am as an individual. It was about breaking barriers and going through different experiences and pushing my limits. It started as having a lack of confidence in my physical appearance with having acne since middle school and with being short, curvy and muscular. It ended up being more about questioning what I was capable of doing.
With regards to my physical appearance, I wore makeup daily, dyed my hair about 10 different shades of colors, constantly shopped for new clothes, and cut my hair into different styles CONSTANTLY. I did all of this to find who I was and to hope that maybe that one magic outfit, that one haircut, that one color, that one shade of eye-shadow will make me feel beautiful and make me realize who I was. And it was me looking for a guy who can tell me I look beautiful, tell me what they loved about me, and show me who I was. Maybe all of this would make me believe I was good enough, I was beautiful, and I can do anything. But that wasn’t what I needed.
It wasn’t until the past few years that I realized it starts with me. Only within myself can I find my confidence and believe in myself. It took realizing I had more to offer than I thought I did. That the whole time I was hiding what I could do and was being blinded on what I thought I needed to truly trust, love, and believe in myself. It wasn’t until my first job that I realized I was capable of being a leader and a hard worker. It took a couple heart breaks to realize that I need to love myself before anyone else can. It took exploring options and leaving my comfort zone to find my true passions. It took breaking down barriers and opening my heart to all experiences to follow a path I belong on.
It took me staring in the mirror and telling myself I am beautiful until I believed it. It took post-its of motivational quotes around my room and working out at the gym to gain that confidence and strength. Only I was able to pick myself up and work hard on loving and believing in myself. It took a lot of mental breakdowns and tissues to get me through the feeling of not being enough. I had to realize that rejection wasn’t a reason to give up. Or that my flaws do not and will not define who I am as an individual. That being strong and living life as it is supposed to be lived only makes me better. That following faith and using my heart for only things that are worth my time changed my perspective all together.
Today, after a long time of a lack of confidence, I can tell you it isn’t perfect, but I love what I see in the mirror. I love the strong, independent, beautiful person I am in the process of becoming. That one day someone will love me for me. But until then I will love myself. I see a bright future I am working hard for. I see an open heart and someone who is caring. I make sure I am kind but don’t get walked on anymore. I make sure people know I am a force to be reckon with. I have found my confidence. I am good enough. And whoever is reading this, YOU ARE TOO. Once you believe in yourself, everything else will start to fall into place.
