Down the notorious O Street in Northwest DC, between the senatorial blocks of 32nd and 31st streets, is where some of the most famous yet unknown characters in your life are found, but oh my do they know a lot about you. Without a doubt they're always balling out in that Black Cadillac Escalade SUV with diplomatic plates and decked out in tailored black suits to match their paint job, but who would roll with this much swag? John Kerry's security guards are the only answer, and I'm here to give you the insight into the scandalous lives of Georgetown's elite security guards. Yes people, they've seen you at your best and most definitely at your worst, at let's say about 2am, strolling back from Piano Bar with the questionable Dominos in hand - but they aren't there to judge.
I have this inkling that if one of us were truly in danger that they would rush out of their Cadillac and save the day - but let's hope that day doesn't come, or do we? Anyway, I'm here to discuss the many encounters I've had with these unknown figures in our community of political excellence.
When I first attended Georgetown I wasn't phased by, nor did I recognize, the around-the-clock surveillance the guards seem to perform, and it wasn't until a few weeks into school that I started to become wary of this unknown car that was constantly running, and why it had to have tinted windows. It wasn't until my friend told me that it was Secretary of State John Kerry's house to our right, and then I immediately put two and two together. Regardless of now knowing the true reason for their existence, I still like to play mind games with them when I pass their surveillance detail. Although I occasionally confuse their car for an Uber, I feel as though I have formed a special connection with these security guards.
Just the other day I was walking by their car, and me, trying not to be obvious, subtly fixed my eyes on the car window while my head remained forward...(I know, I promptly had a slight migraine afterwards from this skill), but that's beside the fact because I saw them watching the Bachelor!
I then stared so blatantly into their car, that I was then met with a pair of their eyes and then we both proceeded to laugh. They were slightly embarrassed to have been caught watching The Bachelor on their iPhone and I was equally embarrassed to have caught them. It was a situation that you really shouldn't address beyond a shared laugh, and also because I don't think they are technically allowed to roll down the windows...but hey, I feel like I know them now.
My all time favorite encounter occurred the other day at the Starbucks on M-Street. It was early in the morning and Starbucks was surprisingly teaching new employees while the line of perplexed costumers was flooding out the door. Once I made it through the door, the aroma of coffee beans consumed me, but I became quickly fixed on two large men in black suits. They each had clean-cut hair and an earbud in one of their ears...what a tipoff. I spotted both of their Starbucks cups to see if they had a name or if they were just that hardcore and didn't have names, but sadly they're just like us. One of them was David, and I couldn't quite make out the name of the second; it was lost in the scribbled handwriting of the barista. I realized that this David seemed a little mad, and I then found out that his pastry had yet to be placed in the oven and he seemed relatively antsy about it. Why so antsy David? You're just sitting in a car watching the Bachelor all day. Perhaps he is behind on the Bachelor and he is sick of people giving away the show? I'll never know the answer, but I feel like I am somewhat friends with John Kerry's security guards now. I have seen them at their worst, but I have also seen them at their best. Until the next awkward encounter, let's hope David and (scribble name) get caught up on the Bachelor.
