Recently, Dallas Theological Seminary’s women's group, Arise, hosted a seminar for trending topics. The topic was freedom from pornography and how women should respond to it in their own lives as well as in the lives of others. There was a good turnout with an atmosphere of safety and when Joy Pedrow took the stage it became an atmosphere of transparency. The transparency from her own struggles as well as the knowledge from her studies began to break down walls and barriers in each woman’s heart in the room, whether we struggled with this or not.
She went first so we could go second, the point being that our stories are important and allowing others to see our past and how God has healed us is a way of breaking down the stronghold of secrecy. When we think of pornography we think of just men struggling with it but the facts say that around "one-third of online porn viewers are women." This secret sin becomes a locked room when we label porn as a male sin. With the culture becoming open to an ample amount of sexual advertising and longer, more revealing sex scenes in movies and shows it's no wonder we are becoming okay with pornography. Needless to say we have been desensitized to the fact that pornography is a sin and it is adultery for a married person and fornication for singles.
You may think that I am taking a huge leap using terms that refer to committing a physical sexual sin. In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus says this, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In this passage, the culture saw men as the ones committing this sexual sin but in our culture this would also relate to females because the meaning behind the message is to not lust after someone. As discussed before, this is where freedom seems impossible because it is taboo to think that a woman couldn’t possibly struggle with pornography.
Joy offers insightful information and allowed us to interact by answering some heavy questions. She explained that there were different types of porn, soft porn which is romance novels or chat rooms etc, and hard porn which is essentially explicit videos. Women struggle with both of these not just the novels. We need to end the fantasy that women do not lust as much as men do; it’s plastered on every billboard and sex appeal is now used for women. It’s time to catch up with culture in realizing that women love lusting too. She explained that it is an addiction and addictions in themselves are hard to break without help. The question that she posed to us was, “How can we love women with sexual addictions instead of shaming them?” Some of the answers were that we shouldn’t act shocked and have an understanding in our own hearts that we have sin that is equally as bad. As I thought about the question my thoughts shifted toward outside of the church. How can we portray this as hindering to the souls of unbelievers in the way that they interact with others and their significant others. I mean sex outside of marriage is fine out there and it’s about giving into their pleasures, so how do we react to that? I believe we need to allow them to work these things out by seeking God and allowing Holy Spirit to to his work. We need to stop kicking sinners out of the church without allowing God to work in their life. Someone mentioned, “Focusing on changing the heart not the behavior.” That is exactly what we need to do!
The next question that Joy unleashed was, “Is masturbation a sin?” Yeah, I had the same thought, that is a tough and uncomfortable question but it is relevant. A woman explained that it was, “master over us or baiting us” eluding that it is a sin. Another woman said that chemically it is like sex and our bodies are reacting like we are having sex. Joy concluded that it is a very grey area depending on the situation. There could be a situation where it is between married couples that are trying to keep intimacy when they are far apart and that could be an ok situation. The time that it is probably not okay is for your own pleasure with no other reason behind it.
What could the masturbator or the person who is involved in sexual sin do that would have a generative impact on their spiritual walk with Jesus?
Joy provided freedom resources that can help us help ourselves and help other women trying to find freedom from pornography. She said to create a list of things you can do to flee from temptation when it comes up and that it is extremely important to understand your triggers. HALT was another way of realizing what is triggering you, HALT stands for: hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. If you feel the need to find comfort in pornography you should evaluate if you are feeling any of those feelings and address them instead of falling into sin looking for comfort. There are also recovery groups and finding an accountability partner can help as well. You can also have someone set up internet filters so that temptation will not be as easily accessible.
Pornography is a silent killer of relationships and of ourselves. It is everywhere and can tempt anyone. Since Joy went first, let me go second so you can go third, I have struggled with pornography and have only partially found freedom from it because of the society we live in. I fell into it because I was lonely and probably all of the HALT feelings attributed to it. It was shows on Netflix and even some movies and now I am more aware of it and do not watch things if it is not good for my soul. Join with us, let us unlock the cage that is holding so many captive and let all of us women find freedom from pornography.
If you would like to follow Joy Pedrow and learn more about how you can find freedom from pornography and other resources, check out her blog: http://joypedrow.com/.
