How many times have you apologized for things you didn’t need to apologize for? I’m not asking about legitimate fights or things where apologies were necessary to diffuse the situation; I want to know how many times you’ve apologized for things such as liking chai tea, or wearing make-up. If you’re a woman, the answer is probably a lot. As women, we get ridiculed, attacked, and shamed for just about anything and everything. Apparently our very existence is upsetting to some people. Honestly, we just can’t win.
Women have had to deal with unwanted criticism after unwanted criticism for our entire lives. "Don’t wear make-up, you look like a whore." "But, actually, wear make-up, because you look tired/sick/like you’re not even trying." If it’s not "Oooooh, who are you all dressed up for?" it’s "Wow, she looks like a slob; she’ll never get a boyfriend like that."
Seriously, our boobs are too big or too small, we’re too short or too tall, our clothes are slutty or we look like prudes, we are too fat or too thin, and that’s just about our looks. I haven't even started yet. How about our personalities? We’re too bossy or we’re push-overs; if you like sex, you’re a slut, but if you don’t, you’re a boring prude; if you read and play video games, you’re a dork, but if you like make-up and shopping, you’re an airhead. But also, somehow, if you don’t read or play video games, you’re stupid, but if you don’t like make-up and shopping, you’re too masculine and boy-ish. For the love of God, women can’t even enjoy things without being ridiculed for it.
How many times have you been called basic for liking chai tea or wearing boots? Seriously, boots? What about the girls that like video games and comic books -- obviously they aren’t real fans, right? They’re just trying to show off for boys; why else would girls do literally anything if not to attract men? And what about Halloween? "Suicide Squad" came out, and Harley Quinn gained way more mainstream popularity because of it; she became a bad-ass character that made girls of all ages want to be her, and feel confident and proud. But the second the movie came out, here came a bunch of Negative Nellies complaining and whining about how so many basic, unoriginal, fake fans are going to be dressed up as Harley this year.
I cannot think of a single instance in which a large amount of women got excited for something or backed something that they didn’t get shamed for being excited about. But I can think of a million instances where it actually became a stereotype. Women aren’t allowed to do anything without being made fun of for it, or for how they look while they do it. We’re told that being a stay-at-home mother is anti-feminist (hint: it’s not), but we’re told at that we’ll be horrible mothers if we have full-time careers and we’d be happier staying home (hint: that’s also BS).
Look, I really could go on all day about the crap women have to deal with and how hard we work to still have people giving us unasked-for and unwelcome criticism, but that isn’t the point of this article. Not entirely, at least. I am so damn sick of all the unnecessary, unwanted, unwelcome, unproductive criticism women take about literally everything we are (including saying literally). But what’s worse is when we apologize for it. Why do we do that? Why do we apologize for liking things? We apologize for having low self-confidence, but also we apologize for having high self-esteem and sounding ‘conceited.'
Women don’t owe anyone an apology for who we are and what we do. Stop saying 'sorry' for being basic; stop saying 'sorry' for being bossy when actually you’re just making directions clear; and stop saying 'sorry' for being needy by telling people what you want. I’ve said it so many times: your wants and needs are completely valid. Other people’s opinions and interpretations of you are not.
We need to stop apologizing for the stupidest reasons, because there is nothing wrong with liking coffee, make-up, books, shopping, video games, clothing, sex, or anything else you like, unless you are hurting someone else. Be unapologetically who you are every day, and the next time someone starts in on you for how women are so annoying for this, this, this, and that reason, roll your eyes and walk away, because honestly, we deal with enough without having to listen to the complaints of others.
Also, if they say things like ‘oh, I hate when women do this, but I don’t mean you, of course.’ Stop. Just stop. Yes, they mean you; you probably made them think of it. Just stop them right there and call them out on their BS. No one has any right to make you feel inferior about who you are and what you like.
There are people who will read this article, or who might even just read the title, and think, ‘Oh great, another feminist rant from someone who can’t take a joke.’ Maybe they’re right; maybe I can’t take a joke. Or maybe I’m just fed up with the hundreds of double standards women are stuck dealing with. I’m never going to say 'sorry' for being who I am again.
Honestly, why is it such a bad thing for the majority of women to enjoy the same or similar things? I don’t even understand how that becomes a joke. That’s not a joke to me -- it’s amazing! Seriously, so many women being inspired by the same person or taking pleasure in the same activity isn’t something to laugh at; it’s something for us all to celebrate and rally behind. It’s our job to hold each other up and defend each other, and we can only do that if we stand together in solidarity. It’s time to stop being sorry and start being proud of ourselves.
"Pretty is not the rent you pay the world for being a woman." -- Unknown
