Facebook memories are one of my favorite social media add-ons. Yes, I am one of THOSE people. Almost every day, I scroll through the many, many posts I have shared over the years. An array of inspirational quotes and song lyrics of any genre. Photographs from every high school event I ever attended. Completely unnecessary rants about my middle school boyfriend. The list goes on and on. No matter how many years pass, I always am caught off guard by one person's name.

I lost one of my best friends my senior year of high school. She was a person who had been a part of my life since 5th grade. We had been in every sport together, made faces at each other across the band room, and shared many sleepovers. We even had lockers next to each other senior year. Katie was one of the kindest people I have ever met to date. She would do anything for anyone. When I found out that she was looking at the same college as me, I was ecstatic. Although I was excited for my next adventure, I was terrified about letting go of my hometown and was very happy to think about keeping our friendship in the next stage of our lives.

Losing Katie was one of the hardest experiences of my life. Finishing senior year was hard. It was hard to sit through every class and stare blankly at an empty chair. It was hard to watch the other 37 people in my graduating class hurt every single day. If high school was hard, college was a nightmare. I lived in a constant state of guilt. Every experience I had she never would. From wild adventures in the residence halls to falling in love for the first time, I hated myself for being able to keep going throughout my life. Being happy was a burden. It was hard to accept the fact that an entire piece of my life would be forever altered. I felt as if I had to choose to move on from Katie or live every day in total sadness. But, it is never that black and white.

Sometimes I wonder why I use these phrases in past tense. Grief never ends. It just shows up in different ways. I still sometimes feel guilty. Thinking about graduating next Spring kills me. It's not fair that she won't have the ability to walk herself. It's not fair that she won't be there to take ridiculous selfies with me and cry the happiest tears because we had a great four years. The rest of my life will be filled with moments that she should be a part of.

For those who have lost a loved one, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the hurt and anger that you are feeling or have felt. I'm sorry that nothing will ever fill the void. But, I'm here to tell you that there is hope.

I hope you know how much they loved you and are able to cherish the wonderful memories that you had. I hope that you are able to see the impact they have made in your life. Did they teach you the importance of kindness? Did they instill in you the value in loving others wholly? Did they show you how to laugh always and live for happiness?

It's really all of the little things. The smallest incidents become the most cherished memories. Do you remember complaining how there wasn't enough room by the lockers, Katie? I'd give anything to bump into you just one more time. It never seems to be the big things as much as the little moments that made up the people we loved. And, though our lives will never be the same without them, it is clear that we were blessed enough to be affected by the wonderful people who came into our lives.

Losing a loved one at any age is a pain that never really goes away. I often think of Katie and who she would be today. Would she be dating the man of her dreams? Where would she have worked? These questions and many more will stay with me for the remainder of my life.

To the ones we lost, we love you. We miss you. Thank you for changing our lives in the most wonderful ways.