I've always been the happy, talkative person. My friends here at school say "Oh you're never sad," or "I've never seen you not smiling," or "When are you ever in a bad mood?"
I can answer with full confidence that I'm not smiling once I get into my room, once I leave the presence of them. No, I don't have anything against my room, it's just that I'm alone with my thoughts and those bring me down. Up until the age of fifteen, I was fine. I didn't think much about myself, but never necessarily thought many negative things either.
After an avalanche of bad things had happened to me, I started to get depressed. I blamed myself for it and hurt myself as a result. The thought of suicide crossed my mind and sometimes it felt as if that were the only way to stop feeling the horrible feeling inside me. I felt as if I had no one...no one to comfort me and no one to talk to me.
But, I refused to call myself depressed. I wouldn't believe it. I was the happy girl, not the sad one. At one of my therapy sessions, I was asked what I liked about myself and I just broke down. I told my therapist that I didn't like anything about myself: that I could pick out every single one of my flaws, but could not identify the good things about myself. My depression is always with me, it's a part of me. I can't remove it but I can work with it.
My senior year of high school, I took a psychology class. We learned about something called SAD, which is Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's a type of depression that hits you in the fall and winter months. It can be caused by the lack of natural sunlight and is related to the seasons change. I can relate to this. All the symptoms are things I've felt or feel and it was, honestly, amazing to figure out a somewhat solid idea to what I was and am going through.
I do get more depressed in the winter months, those months are not always the best or have the best memories. I can usually push past it, but some days I just need to cry. I don't want to hide my feelings and keep them bottled up like I usually do. It kills me inside. I've tried to be more open with my feelings with my family, and have five amazing friends I know I can rely on to help me through the rough patches.
Depression is not something to take lightly. An estimated 350 million people suffer from depression and about 6.7% to 9.5% of America's population ages eighteen and older are diagnosed in a given year. I can say from experience that it can get better. It will take time and it will seem like nothing's changing, but please, stay a little while longer to see how wonderful life is and the amazing things you can do.
Symptoms of SAD
Sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
Feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
Irritability, restlessness
Lost of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
Fatigue and a decrease in energy
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping
Changes in weight
Thoughts of death or suicide
If you or anyone you know experiences this, these are some numbers you can call and they help:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433
Samaritans 24-Hour Crisis Hotline (212) 673-3000
Additionally, this website has many hotlines you can call if you ever need any type of help: http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlin...
