It is okay to say no.
Repeat after me: it is okay to say no!
In our culture, we strive to be people pleasers. We put others' wants, needs, and happiness before our own. We want to be well-liked. We want to fit in. We want to belong.
Sometimes, spreading ourselves too thin can catch up to us. Drinks with a date may end up colliding with a movie night with your best friend. Maybe you said yes to dinner, when you should be staying in working on homework. We decide to join multiple clubs, volunteer, and work, while we attempt to maintain a social life and healthy well-being. The more we pile onto our plates, the more fulfilled we're supposed to feel, right?
In theory, this balancing out sounds awesome. In a perfect world, we can say yes to anything and everything. News flash: we live in an imperfect world, and are imperfect beings.
The minute you put more effort into pleasing someone else, is a minute you lose putting yourself first. Step back for a second. Reflect. Do you really need to go to that party? Do you really need to go to brunch?
If the answer is, “I feel overwhelmed," “I don't feel like going," or “I need a break," say no. It's such a simple task, but people think it's like a marriage proposal. Our good old friend, Rain Check, is here to help. He's always in our back pocket for later.
Saying no is important. It emulates that you are in-tune with yourself. You're exhausted, and you need to recharge. You're jumping through hoops, bending over backwards, and molding your life to fit others'.
You don't need to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's empowering to turn something down. Of course, do it for the right reasons. Don't let anyone take advantage of that fire you have.
Put it out as soon as you see these kind of people. Only ignite it for those who care about you. Those who hold you close will understand. They will have empathy for why you decided to cancel on them. In fact, they've been in your shoes, so they get it.
How do you do this scary act of saying no?
It's surprisingly not difficult. Warm up your vocal cords, and get your brain ready. Open your mouth up, and say it. Say, “I'm sorry." Say, “I really wish I could, but I have other obligations to tend to." Say, “I would love to if I wasn't needing a night for myself."
See: it's as simple as that.
It's more than okay to say no. It's significant that you say no every now and then. You owe it to yourself, Miss or Mister People Pleaser. You're so busy taking ones for the team; you've earned it.
Step back for a minute, for yourself. You will be a better friend, partner, family member, co-worker, etc. for putting yourself before others. You are a priority, and you deserve to treat yourself that way.
The bottom line is you need to know yourself. Know your worth. Know your limits. Saying no sets boundaries. It shows you are confident in your decisions. It shows you know what is trivial and what is not. It shows that you don't care about what others think.
Do something just for you. Order your favorite take-out. Go to a movie. Go to the gym. Read your favorite book. Go shopping. Take time to do the hobby you love most. Do something that will help fulfill you.
Don't ever feel guilty for taking time for you. It is vital to say no. There is power in that two-letter word. The symbolism is epic.
It's okay to say no. Say no more often.
