We all know that life can be stressful, but sometimes having constant stress and uncertainty can push a person to a breaking point. So the question boils down to whether you should swallow down the pain and move on or do you breakdown?
I’ll be the first to admit that I despise crying and being overwhelmed by any situation. I strive to have myself together because... well, I’m an adult and I just personally feel that my issues shouldn’t be too much to handle. But because I’ve always felt that way, I spent a lot of my life repressing my emotions when I should’ve expressed them more, even if it meant being mad or crying after the fact. Now I’m afraid to do it because it’s something I’ve never really done.
A lot of people choose to not express themselves over any stressful situation because either: a) they feel like no one cares nor listening to them or b) they feel like other people suffer from worse things; so that makes their pain invalid. Repressing emotions seems like a mature choice but really it does more harm than good to you. The stress messes with your body and your mind – you could develop anxieties or even depression. Your body could be tired all the time and weak more often. You could develop a foggy mind and experience memory loss. It’s not a joke.
I graduated in the summer and I had a dream and a destination planned since high school. Well long story short, I am nowhere near this dream and destination right now. Instead of grad school, I’m just working day in and day out, school is the last thing on my mind and yet always on my mind. To be honest, I pretty much lost it when my plans fell through – but I lost it on the inside not on the outside. Sure I vented and complained about it until my face was blue, but I didn’t cry like I wanted to. I didn’t feel like it was mature and appropriate – after all, everyone experiences downfalls right? Right.
Still, I ended up repressing my disappointments, fears, and sadness only for it to come back and bite me in the ass. I have spent several months wanting to do things and not being able to do them because I feel exhausted and uninspired. I can’t form thoughts or ideas really and I feel like life is passing me by faster and faster. It’s terrifying and frustrating and overwhelming. Sure, other things play a role, but ignoring my emotions and thinking it would be better to just swallow the pain pretty much brought me where I am today.
The good news is that it won’t always be like this. I will overcome this and achieve my dreams. I will try not to hold back my feelings because they are valid. YOUR feelings are valid. Failed a test and feel sad? Be sad. Someone say something that made you mad? Be mad. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Of course there is a time and a place to express yourself, but don’t ever hold your feelings in because you don’t think they matter. Your feelings will always matter. If you can’t talk to family, talk to a friend or someone you trust. If you don’t want to talk, draw or write or attempt safe activities that relieve your emotions.
If someone tries to make your issues seem invalid by saying others are suffering more or that it’s not that big of a deal, ignore them. It’s true that people are dying and suffering every day in another places, but you are also suffering and you are allowed to feel that way. At the end of the day, no one’s suffering is the exact same – some will always be more than others, but it’s not a contest. No one needs to compete, but we all need to do our best to pull through. It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but a small step is a big step.
It’s okay to break.
It’s okay to feel.
Just please keep healing and pushing forward.
