Vulnerability. According to the dictionary, it is defined as "capable of being physically, mentally or emotionally wounded." Other times, vulnerability is seen as weakness. It is the act in which a person lets his or her guard down. Some people are vulnerable as a mistake (or because they have no other choice, considering in the physical sense), and other people are vulnerable on purpose. In my opinion, to be vulnerable is to be stronger than the person with the "weapon," whether that's literally or metaphorically interpreted. Not only is it difficult to let down your walls, but it takes a lot of courage and strength in various aspects to bounce back from being vulnerable when everything begins to go south.
Two weeks ago, I wrote an article which required every ounce of my vulnerability. If you haven't had the opportunity to read the piece, which focuses on sexual assault, please take some time to do so. As I mentioned in the article, it took a lot out of me to transform my past disturbing experiences and my personal thoughts into words for other people to read. I had avoided writing the article for months because I knew that it meant self-exposure. I didn't want to feel like I was in the middle of a room with everyone staring at me to the point that disappearing into the ground would feel like my safe haven. However, from the moment the article was published, and each time I shared it with my peers, I felt extremely vulnerable. To be completely honest, to feel vulnerable is to feel uncomfortable, in my opinion. Despite constantly feeling anxious and uncomfortable, I learned a huge deal about the importance of vulnerability.
Within a few hours of sharing my personal experience with sexual assault, more than a handful of people had reached out to me. Some did so through commenting on the article, messaging me on Facebook or texting. While a good number of the messages I received came from people applauding my bravery and expressing their sadness in what I had experienced, a few of my peers opened up to be about their personal experiences.
As many of us know, the number of Facebook "friends" one has does not really reflect on the number of people the person talks to regularly from their list. However, some of the people who reached out to me were people I hadn't spoken to in years, and even some I didn't know at all! Nonetheless, because of my decision to be vulnerable and share my story, they felt comfortable to do the same. From this act of kindness and support, I realized that not only am I not alone in what I have experienced, but choosing to be vulnerable and open up about a personal struggle can go a long way.
Yes, it was scary to write the words that I did. However, when people reached out to tell me how my decision to share inspired them and gave them a little bit of strength, it made every second of anxiety that I felt worth it.
The moral of the story is: Let your walls down--but of course have your limits. Of course it is terrifying and you'll experience a lot of discomfort, but your vulnerability... or "weakness," can really give someone else a lot of strength. In saying this, I can't guarantee that opening up will always be a satisfying experience in the end. Before sharing my story outside of my close circle, there were a few people who I really trusted and told what had happened, hoping for their support. Instead, they either shrugged it off or kicked me while I was already on the ground. Afterwards, not only did I gain a better idea of who I could no longer trust, but I felt discouraged in continuing sharing my story. So, I had two options. I could either put my walls back up and keep my experience to myself; or I could follow the saying that "haters are gonna hate," (but actually) and use their negative energy to positively fill me.
It takes time to be vulnerable, but it is well worth it in the end. I know that I will always experience slight anxiety when it comes to open up to new people who come into my life, because believing you can trust someone just to have them prove you wrong is a terrible feeling. However, after all of the support and encouragement I received from taking a dive into the pool of vulnerability, I know that more good than bad will come out of letting others in.
