Many people find being honest to be hard. At times, being honest with yourself can be even harder. Take it from me, as it has taken me almost 20 years to realize I don't love myself. Or at least, I don't love myself properly.
And you know what? That's okay.
I’ve made jokes about it before: oh gosh I suck, no, seriously, I am the worst. I have a tendency to slip into a self-deprecating speech pattern. I thought it was a good way to laugh at myself, however, I’m now seeing that with how often I do it, which can be north of 5 times a day minimum, that this vernacular I’ve fallen into is much more harmful that it is lighthearted.
Joking around is okay, and not taking yourself too seriously is a great habit to have, but when you’re saying it so often that you realize you believe it and you don’t know when these thoughts came about nor to what degree they settle into your subconscious, you need to realize that there’s a problem here.
You also need to realize it's not the end of the world. We still have time to make a positive change in ourselves. And that's where I've been at this week. And I'm changing using the follow steps below, and I really hope, if you’re in a similar place, that you decide to do so too.
Come To Terms With It
As said above, I’ve been going through a rapid period of self-realization. I’ve been crying and angry with myself, and I’ve been talking about it a lot too. It’s emotional to recognize something so sad about yourself, something that seems so other. However, it’s a common thread among people at all different points in their lives, and the only way to get better is to admit this first. And this goes hand in hand with my next point:
Surround Yourself With People Who Love You
Not only take the help and support you’re offered but be totally open with those who offer it. The day that I decided to move past this point in my life, I sat down with my friends and told them what is going on. I know me being cruel to myself hurts them, and this is an easy way to keep then on the same page and help them stop you from doing things that make you more stuck.
Begin to Separate Yourself from Toxic Images, Ideas, and People
Yes, people make us feel like shit. Do we have to put up with it? No. If someone doesn't like you, that's on them. You have your flaws, but you also have your incredible, immeasurable strengths. If you doubt your worth because of a person, remember the people who love you-- and their reasons for it! As much as it sucks, when a person is doing more harm than good or make something not sit well this you, perhaps this is not a person to put your time and effort into to.
Be Honest With People
This being said if you think a person is worth your time (or not), be honest with them. Tell them what’s wrong. Try to fix things. Don’t be passive aggressive. Why spend time dwelling on negative things when you can let it go, get it off your chest, and strengthen a relationship?
Stop Being So Mean to Yourself
This might be the most tangible way to consistently be kinder, more loving to yourself. Simply stop criticizing yourself. Just do it. Stop saying you’re ugly. That you’re not enough this or that. That you're not worth it. Stop telling people "no" when they praise you. Stop telling yourself that they're wrong. It's so hard, especially the second part, but once you get out of the habit of rhythmically abusing yourself, it'll be the next step.
Write Lists.
Start writing lists. Things you like to touch, to smell, to taste. The best hugs you've had, the best performances or shows you've been to. The moments you were most proud, the pieces of clothing that make you feel most confident. The things you wouldn't change about yourself. The things your friends wouldn't change about you. Just constantly find the positive little things in your life, and let them settle in a place of the hateful comments that rooted in your mind.
Find Things You Love and Pursue Them Constantly
We're young. We have a chance. If you want to take risks, try to achieve all your dreams, now is the time to try. Don't wait until you're at a point where you have to settle. Don't stifle your passions, because it'll just be another thing you regret. But also, remember, you can love many things and work towards all of them. Take up a challenge, as well as a new hobby. I'm constantly (attempting) to write, and I've discovered mouthing the lyrics to all of Fall Out Boy's songs while on the elliptical is incredibly exhilarating. Your chance to take opportunities is endless, at least for now. So give it all a shot.
And give yourself a shot too.
