If you've ever gone through any type of hardship and you're a normal person, your gut reaction probably wasn't one of sheer joy.
But if you couldn't find the silver lining right away, you've probably felt sheer guilt.
Traumas, losses, diagnoses, etc. -- when these tragedies befall our loved ones or even total strangers, it's not hard to feel sorry for them. So, why then, is it "throwing a pity party" when we feel sorry for ourselves? Why don't we allow ourselves the same opportunity to dwell on something that is indeed negative?
I'm here to squash the stigma that it's bad to wallow in self-pity every once in awhile.
It is healthy.
It is natural.
And it is not the least bit shameful.
Feeling sorry for yourself is cathartic. It is a form of grieving and mourning and suppressing these strong emotions can be detrimental to our well-being.
When I received a difficult diagnosis earlier in the year, I felt very sorry for myself. Today, I still feel sorry for myself.
I tried telling myself multiple times some of the classic lines that are supposed to help us feel better about our lives.
"It could be worse."
"At least I'm not ____."
"Maybe it'll get better."
"There's no point in being upset."
But none of these sentiments brought me any comfort or joy. No silver lining.
What I have found somewhat of a peace in has been allowing myself to truly be sad for myself the way I would empathize with a friend who had to go through what I am living. My heart broke for myself the way it would if someone I loved dearly were struggling.
"Why do bad things happen to good people?"
"Why me?"
"Life is unfair."
These were the sentiments I needed to affirm within myself. I needed to acknowledge the hurt, the anger, the frustration and frankly the utter bullsh*t of my situation. I was a good person, I didn't deserve this, life was unfair and I had every right to be devastated.
Sometimes there isn't a silver lining and tragedies are nothing more and nothing less. Despite how tragic a situation may be, it is necessary to take time to sit down and have a pity party for yourself.
Some truly have a positive outlook naturally, which is also fine, so long as there is no hiding or stuffing of emotions deep down to arrive at that happiness. There is a push to remain positive in the bad times, but frankly, forcing positive emotions can be harmful.
Do I feel sorry for myself for petty and insignificant inconveniences? No, but there are plenty of reasons for me to feel sorry for myself over hardships and tragedies I have endured, and allowing myself to acknowledge that I was so sorry I experienced tragedies has been one of the most therapeutic tools I've used.
There is no shame in feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes awful things happen to great people, even you, and there's truly no positive way to spin it. Nothing beautiful about it. It's OK to dwell on it, and you don't owe anyone an apology for your feelings. You don't owe anyone a smile. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
