Since starting college, I have gained weight. Maybe it is the constant availability of pizza and cookies that can be delivered directly to the door, the fact that I don't have my mom to tell me when to eat healthier or the fact that I'm stressed 99 percent of the time and binge eating makes me feel better. I still am fairly active and make an effort to be healthy some of the time, but my body has changed. I look different. I weigh more, I look bigger. My body is not the same as it was when I entered college.
I have done workout plans and diet (attempts) and the like. I have done what we all do: I take the "before" picture and work over the course of a period of time to make it to the "after" picture. We see the before picture as who we were and who we don't want to be again, and the after picture as who we want to remain. We see the before picture as a disappointment and the after picture as celebratory. We see the before picture as not beautiful and the after picture as such. That's where the problem lies.
Every "after" picture is the before to something else. A new diet, a new workout plan, the rest of your life. If we continue to dislike those before pictures, if we continue to dislike the way we look "before", then you will constantly be disappointed in yourself. Waiting for happiness in the form of your body is a disappointing and ultimately impossible chase. I know how it goes. "When I lose 10 pounds, I'll love my body" or "when I take X amount of inches off my waistline, I'll be happy". If your happiness is contingent on the number on the scale or the width of your waist, I promise you, you won't end up happy. You'll just end up chasing a new goal, once again promising yourself happiness that still won't come when you reach it.
Happiness, true happiness, can not be something you work toward in the form of your body image. You are allowed to love your body and be happy with it while actively working to change it. It's okay to want to shrink your waistline or lose a couple pounds. It is okay to not be entirely thrilled with the way you look. What's not okay is to refuse to love your body because it hasn't met the standards that you've set for yourself. Your body deserves to be loved even when you know it can look better.
Just because you're not yet where you want to go doesn't mean you can't be happy where you are. Just because you weigh a little more than you'd like or you have more cellulite on the backs of your legs than want doesn't mean you aren't beautiful, and it sure as hell doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't love yourself.
No matter what, this is your body. Whether it's a little chubby around the edges or produces a bigger number on the scale than you'd like, it is yours. Forever. So you better love it in all of its forms. It's your body. Love it now.
