The winds of change might gently blow us towards being better people or they might slam us into every brick wall along the way to who we ought to be.

I am not entirely certain it doesn't do both as evidenced by the distinct differences between who I was when I started college and who I am now. My parents said recently that they weren't sure they got back the person they sent off to college, in regards to my lack of confidence and self-worth, due greatly to a situation that was ongoing this year. Which I can definitely see. However, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

The Brigid that went to college in 2013 and the Brigid writing this article are two fairly different people. That Brigid was seventeen and had a clear idea of what she wanted to do in the next three years. This Brigid has vague ideas that can't really come to fruition until she has a steady income. That Brigid thought she could handle anything and anyone without help. This Brigid is going to start counseling soon. You would think that 2016 Brigid is a downgrade from 2013 Brigid.

You would also be dead wrong.

That Brigid had plans, yes, but they were not good ones. Brigid from 2013 did not plan to make friends in college. She thought she had to prove the people from high school wrong, that she could do just as well in college as she had in every other educational setting. She believed a social life would be a distraction. So, she figured that since her old friends weren't at college anyways, she could just stay in her room and study constantly. She thought that she was lucky enough to have had the friends she did back at home and almost let the ones at home go too because she thought they'd be better off without her.

That Brigid also didn't plan to eat often in college. If this Brigid remembers right, she wanted to only eat on weekends and Wednesdays. That Brigid thought she shouldn't eat much so she could lose weight. She didn't want to get the infamous "freshman fifteen" and wanted to lose that much weight if not more.

That Brigid wouldn't speak up for herself or what she believed in. That Brigid was miserable and faking it until she made it and it was killing her. That Brigid was full of the false bravado that had gotten her to that point in life and she thought she could keep it up. That Brigid was so wrong about so much and I, Brigid of 2016, am so happy that I am not that girl.

In 2013, I did make friends, though it had not been my intention. Some who I needed to later let go of and will likely come up in therapy, some who I may keep in my life forever and can't imagine being without. Since I had friends and my friends could only really get together at mealtimes, I also ate a lot more regularly than I had planned. There were meals or days I simply forgot to eat and was perversely proud of but I certainly ate at least two meals most days until I graduated. I also was able to talk about my interests and to more publicly discuss topics I would previously avoid due to disagreement. My various roommates, my fraternity sisters, all of my college friends and the people I didn't let go of from high school kept me from dissolving in college. I can't thank them enough for doing what they didn't even realize was keeping me together and making me see myself as more than a scholar or a machine. My love and appreciation for them knows no bounds.

That's not to say that this Brigid isn't messed up. This Brigid still has a weird relationship with food. This Brigid doesn't talk to people for weeks because she thinks she's an invasion into people's lives and that they're better off without her no matter if they tell her she isn't. This Brigid needs help but at least she's going to go and get it because she has people who tell her she's worth it.

So, to anyone who is like 2013 Brigid, I hope you find the people you need to support you on your way to becoming your best self. It may be rough but you deserve the help too.