Many people like to say that they have anxiety, and in a way that is true. But most of those people don’t go through majority of their day without getting anxiety about their anxiety, or constantly trying to find new ways to hide or disguise their anxiety when, in reality, that is impossible. These are just the easiest parts about anxiety; the part that creates the most anxiety about my anxiety is my friend. Do not get me wrong -- I love and adore my friends and enjoy all the time that I spend with them -- but more often than not, I become the flaky friend. I never try and make excuses because it is just easier to say sorry and move on than it is to try and explain myself. Trying to explain an anxiety to someone who doesn’t experience it the same way you do is hard, but then trying to explain an anxiety attack is that much harder.
I just finished my freshmen year of college, and I was the only friend who lived at home and went to a commuter school. While all of my friends moved away and got to live the college life, my anxiety grew about everything. When it finally came time for my friends to come home and visit they would always want to hang out but, sometimes, I just couldn’t hang out. Not because I was busy, but because I got so used to not having friends here I got anxiety about actually hanging out with them. That wasn’t my only anxiety, though; that was just the icing on the cake. Obviously, I would have the typical anxiety about school, but then when you start to get anxiety about every little thing you get tired of dealing with it. So the best way for me to deal with it is just to be that flaky friend.
As I am heading into my first year of college away from home, I hope to break this horrible habit. However, it is going to take a lot of hard work to get out of my comfort zone to meet new people and be able to experience new things. The whole idea of this gives me an anxiety attack. But, I guess that is all part of the learning process. When I think about it, though, isn’t everything in life just a learning process? A chance to learn from your mistakes? Now is the time for me to do that, and maybe I will be able to have a better handle on my anxiety, and I won't be known as that flaky friend, anymore.
