Two years is a long time. It’s a long time to devote your life, your extra time, and your love to one person, especially when you’re so young. I only have one question for you, and it’s honestly really simple: Why?
Why did you break my heart?
Why did you let me spend my time second guessing myself?
Why did you lie?
How could you do what you did, even though you loved me?
Was is my fault?
Did I do something wrong?
These are the questions that I have continuously asked myself and have tried asking you, always to be given them same answer: I don’t know and no it’s not your fault.
Well, of course, it’s not my fault, but you made promises and I so desperately wanted to believe you. I wanted to trust that you were a man of your word. However, the problem with this whole thing, is that I constantly put you on a pedestal, putting you first and myself last, and that was my mistake. You wanted a woman who could “fix” you, but that has never been my job. I have thought about what to say to you about this whole situation, how to call you out when I knew you screwed up, rather than looking at you with kind eyes and saying “It’s okay”. I wonder where would we be right now if I had never said, “It’s okay”. There were so many stories told and so many secrets kept, by you. How is it that I knew, but I didn’t know, or I guess I didn’t want to know? I was so afraid that calling you out would end the relationship, but maybe, just maybe, it’s what was best. Ironic, isn’t it? See the thing is, you are the problem in your own scenario, not me. It was NEVER my job to fix you. We both were growing and changing and learning, and yes while we were both doing those things, we weren’t necessarily doing them together. While I was trying to solve my own problems, I was also trying to support you in yours. You, did neither. I swore to myself long ago that I wouldn’t allow someone to be careless with my heart, but somehow, you did it, you got away with it. I’m sorry you did all those things, and I’m sorry you probably will never own up to it. I won’t tell you that you’ll regret your choices and that you’ll miss me. I’m sorry, instead, that you are who you are. You have to live with your own conscience and your own heart, and I don’t think either are what you want them to be. I may have been the one who got my heart broken, but in the end, I am the one who is free of your choices. That’s something you’ll never be able to be.
