Last week, I started packing my entire life away to go to college. I rummaged through my wardrobe to see what still fit and what needed to go into the dumpster, put all of my valuables into a small cardboard box that basically said “If you touch this, you die,” and still managed to watch some Netflix in the process. There was only one thing that was very different about it this year, and it was the fact that I had done this last year as a freshman in college. I knew what boxes to pack and what I needed to take up all because I had done it already. I look back at my freshmen year in school and think of all the beautiful memories that I created with even more beautiful friends and how exciting it was to be experiencing everything for the first time. As I pondered on these magical memories, I felt a sudden burst of fear and anxiety.
Why would I feel fear? I am going back to an amazing school that has given me hope for a fantastic future in education, hanging out with friends that I know will be there when my kids go to college, and going back to the freedom of being on my own without all the worries of actually “being on my own.” Amazing, right? The fear lies within the fact that just like everything changed last year, I know it will change this year. Even though I made memories that will last forever, I feel like they will be erased because of these new memories that I will be making this year. I will not feel the excitement of doing something that is “naughty,” because I go out with my friends at midnight to go to McDonald’s for some guilt-free French fries. It would be different because I had already done that (Sorry Mom, that’s college for ya). The excitement of experiencing something completely brand new will be gone, it is like this part of the world is tainted for me.
Is the excitement still there? Can I still explore this new world without feeling like it was a merry-go-round? The truth of the answer is that it is still there, I just have to go and create these memories myself. The excitement will pop up in glimmers when I am with my friends playing a card game and 2:00 a.m., or when I decide to try out for the talent show. The excitement I felt last year was the rush of being an adult. Being an adult means that I have to create my own future; there is no study guide to tell me the answers or teachers telling me what can and cannot be done with my education. An adult puts on their big boy/girl pants and walks in the world to see where the excitement is hidden, where the new memories can be made.
Am I scared for this next year? Yes, because of the new classes I am taking, but not because it will be a boring year in my life. Yes, because of the fact that I will be 20 years old, but not because I will not have anything to do with my amazing friends. Think of the next few years as if you were Columbus sailing the ocean in 1492, trying to find new land for Spain. Accept the small moments that’ll just plop right into your lap like an excited puppy and take them as clues to what your next big adventure may be. The excitement lies within the journey, not the ending destination.
So as I settle into my dorm with newly minted decorations and books, I remember that this year will be more exciting than last. This year will be the time when I make a name for myself in a world that has 7 billion struggling to be seen. The excitement in the world (also known as college) is mine. I just have to grab it.
