As I'm sitting here with writer's block and procrastinating on my homework that's due tomorrow, I decided to put in The Holiday to watch for the fifteen trillionth time this year.

I've only ever been in love once, and it was with a guy who was never physically or emotionally there for me at the right time or place. But still, he was always there. As Iris puts it perfectly, it’s a simple case of unrequited love. And like her, I am an expert in that department. Over the course of the last nine years, he's been with other people while we talked almost every single night. And it went from small talk to arguing about stupid things like how we'll never be together. It tore me up for awhile and I decided to stop talking to him altogether. But even if we weren't saying anything to each other, he was still in the back of my mind. It wasn't until after all the silence that I realized I might love him. Because you never know what you've got 'til it's gone.

But as I sit here watching The Holiday with writer's block, I've come to the realization that he's pretty much the real life version of Jasper - a schmuck - which makes me Iris, the pathetic fool.

To the guy who played with my heart:

I finally told you how I felt, and suddenly this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yeah, you're still with her and my telling you didn't change a dang thing. Yet you still try to make yourself a part of my life every once in a while when you feel like it. But it's just not okay anymore.

As soon as that weight disappeared, so did my thoughts and feelings for you. I had been acting like the ‘best friend’ when I was supposed to be the ‘leading lady’ of my own life. It just took time to come to this realization. I'm no longer that idiot who is always thinking "maybe" because I finally heard myself say that three-worded phrase out loud and all I could do was laugh. I know you think I'm crazy now for blocking you out of my life entirely, but I just don't see a place for you in it anymore. Not as friends; not as anything.

So all of those nights that we talked with the help of liquid courage on my end, the fights we had about our futures together or separate, and the meaningless conversations we exchanged no longer matter to me anymore. You're a thing of the past.

The sad thing is it took my moving away and you're moving in with her to make this all quite clear. But that means the great thing now is that I'm not the sad, hopelessly in love Iris from the beginning of the movie anymore. I'm the strong, independent Iris at the end that finds she doesn't need Jasper anymore because she's found happiness and self-worth elsewhere. And there might even be a sweet, caring Jack Black 'Miles' in my near future. But I wouldn't have ever figured it out for myself if it wasn't for you pushing me to that point.

So thanks, but no thanks, for the nine years of wasted time. I'm happy that you're finally happy, but that's all I'll ever be for you.