If I were you, I’d avoid any iPhone carrying store like the plague come September 2016, when the new iPhone 7 is released, because it’s going to be a mad house. Seriously, nothing like a bunch of rich, technology dependent people, stomping all over each other as if their lives depended on having the fanciest, shiniest, most recent Apple product there is out there. Waiting in line for hours for one is going to be the epitome of ‘#FirstWorldProblems,' and all for a phone with a wider screen and that may or may not have a headphone jack. (The only plus I can see from that is no longer having to detangle mine.)

No worries, though, you’ll hear all about it. Actually, you’ll read about it, thanks to the new fancy iMessage texting updates in iOS 10. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as excited about automatic emoji translations and invisible ink as the next person. In fact, I might never make a phone call again. But the only thing new iMessage updates is going to do for me is further close me off from human interaction and make me feel like of like an ancient Egyptian, using hieroglyphic symbols to communicate again.

I want a real update, something that enhances my quality of life, Apple! Come on!

Just kidding. Love your products. Fingerprint technology was honestly something that only happened in my spy dreams. Please don’t click the magic button that makes my iPhone randomly crap out on me for absolutely no reason.

But, on the real, how do you feel about taking some suggestions for some new updates? Maybe some that are a little…. More useful in day to day life?

Like, what if we made Siri better? More like a human? For instance, if I can’t decide what to wear in the morning… can she help me out? If I’m having boy problems… what if she gave me some advice? At this point, she can’t even distinguish between Grandma and Panama for me, and I’m convinced she’s just taking notes on all my conversations-- so instead of an unreliable robot, what if you made her into, I don’t know, a friend?

Or, what if you made iPhones waterproof, huh? That would massively ease my anxiety every time I see an unprotected iPhone at the pool or beach. (I realize, however, that this might lead to a decrease in your sales, considering how many people drop their phones in the toilet and need to get a new one. But really, quit it with the corporate greed and give us an update we need already, okay?)

If you want to update a product that will increase the safety of it’s users, maybe find a way to prevent texting-while-walking incidents? I was thinking maybe a camera at the top of the phone, that projects a live feed onto the screen of the camera that allows an individual to watch where they are going while they are sending important texts. People are always going to text and walk, maybe this way they won’t run into as many innocent people and/or stop signs.

Lastly, maybe it’s time to realize the connection between the spiking anxiety levels in our society, and the dependence on cellular devices. Do you have any idea how stressed I get when I can’t find my iPhone? I’ve torn apart entire houses to find them, just for it to turn up in my car. So maybe it’s high time you all patented a way that just kept me from losing it in the first place? Like a beeper, or something, when i get too far away. Or a magnetic feature that allowed it to follow me, everywhere.

Okay, okay, I know, these are a little ridiculous. After all, we are plugged into our devices enough as it is. Trying to have a real conversation with my middle school sister has become near impossible, and I don’t need to be any more reliant on my phone than I already am. But if you are going to constantly release new, updated products and tease us with the features until we spend all of our money on them, then maybe find something a little more beneficial than animated emojis.