Excruciating. Unbearable. Neverending. Invisible. These are just some of the words I would use to describe chronic pain. You see if you would have asked me, a year ago, what the worst pain I had ever been in was I probably would've said cramps or a pulled muscle. Oh, how naive I was.

I am in constant pain, but from the outside, I look totally fine. I don't have a broken leg or a cut that needs stitches, I have an internal problem with my spine and the pain is like nothing I have ever felt before. Living like this every day is exhausting. It is constant tension and inconvenience. Not to mention my body just hurts.

Last June, I slipped three discs in my back, but up until October, I had no idea what it was that was causing such insurmountable pain. It started in my lower back, causing me to not be able to stand up straight or walk normally. After much chiropractic work, my pain went away. It was about a month later, near the end of July, when my pain started up again, but this time it was down my right thigh. I didn't think much of it, as it went away almost as soon as it came, but it was slightly concerning.

Weeks went by and it just got worse and worse. It wasn't going away after a few seconds and it had also made an appearance in my calf. Walking was not an issue, but sitting was a task that I didn't want to handle. I was starting my sophomore year of college in just a few days and I was nervous about how I was going to be able to handle the pain during classes.

School started and the pain got worse. It became an issue when I was walking and the only way to feel any type of relief was to lay down. I started skipping class and was seeing a different chiropractor, but it wasn't getting any better. During my third appointment with my chiropractor, she suggested that I get an MRI to see if a slipped disc was the cause of my pain.

Sure enough, I got an MRI and I had not one but three slipped discs. Knowing that there was a tangible problem that was causing my pain eased my mind only minimally. This was due to the fact that I had done nothing that would normally cause a slipped disc. I hadn't been in a car accident, I don't play sports and I'm not a heavy lifter. I was so frustrated that there wasn't a singular incident that I could point to and blame this on.

The following months and even still have been filled with countless physical therapy, chiropractor, and acupuncture appointments and trips to various surgeons on both coasts to make an educated decision on what to do. Only within the last few weeks have I finally made the decision to get surgery and it fills me with both relief and fear.

I'm incredibly lucky that I have really supportive people around me that have always believed me. They are so incredibly accommodating and understanding of my bad pain days or when I can't go out, but I am not as forgiving with myself. It upsets me that I can't always keep up with my friends. For a while, I felt like I was going to have to put my life on hold and it scared me.

Despite this, I get up every day and attempt to go to class and work. I hang out with my friends and try to go out as much as I can. Hopefully, in the next few months this will no longer have to be my day to day. But for now it is and I intend to just keep going about the business of living.