I am married to the most extroverted man on the entire planet and probably the most charismatic and flirtatious one as well. I love that about him. I enjoy watching him fall into his element and so easily maneuver through every social event.
However, as an introvert, I hardly have time to keep up with him. There are fundamental differences between introverts and extroverts, but somehow we balance each other out. He gives me all the wild, crazy, let’s-go-find-an-adventure kind of nights I could possibly imagine, and I give him all the quiet, let’s-make-our-own-adventure kind of nights that he could possibly imagine.
Going Out
As an introvert, if I leave the house and enter the general populace, I try not to go out of my way to meet anyone new. I am very content to say hi to the few people I know and keep a hood over my face and never talk to anyone else. My favorite things at stores are those little self-checkouts where I never ever have to talk to a cashier.
In contrast, if I go out with my husband, Sean the extrovert, I have an entirely different experience because suddenly I have had a conversation with every single person we passed since leaving the house. Plus, we now know the names of the cashier’s children and dogs by the time she’s finished ringing up our two items.
Meeting Each Other’s Families
When first meeting Sean’s family, I was covered in hugs and kisses and hellos and conversation from every direction. We spent the weekend jumping from house to house to store (because of course he knows everyone between one house to the next) to house and then back again. I was hugged no less than 23 times and spent the next two weeks in isolation while I processed the whole ordeal. I have no idea how he not only handles so much social interaction but also blossoms in it.
When Sean met my family for the first time, I overloaded him with the same stimulation of meeting new people and seeing new places, the whole works, and I watched him handle it flawlessly. He didn’t need time to process or anything. In fact, while we were at the mall he made four new friends between the parking lot and the front door of the mall. Watching him is exhausting sometimes!
Our Ideas of Fun
I love reading, writing, listening to music, playing video games, and being completely silent. I don’t mind driving hours all by myself. I don’t mind spending the weekend alone while throwing paper balls at my roommate without telling her. I am perfectly content if I spend the week completely by myself or with a few closer friends, like Sean or my roommate or my dad. I get my social interaction during class and work and to be honest, that’s plenty for me.
Sean loves paintballing, going for long drives, going out, and being with people. Even if it’s just one other person, he much prefers to do things with other people. He could have known them for a day and will probably already be asking them hang out and go do stuff. The weeks where he doesn’t go out, he gets anxious and bored. He needs that social interaction a lot more than I do.
The best advice I have for this kind of relationship is to understand the other person. This is also a good rule of thumb for pretty much every kind of interaction. It is important to realize that if you are dating an introvert and you’ve spent all day socializing, they are going to be more tired than your extroverted self. They will need more time to recover.
It’s also important as the introvert to understand that the extrovert will need to be surrounded by people more often than you. So just keep in mind that sometimes, the two of you will have to spend your Saturdays differently. The introvert can’t always keep up with the extrovert, and there’s no right way to keep an extrovert cooped up forever. If you’re the introvert, let your extrovert fly free and hang out will all of the friends. If you’re the extrovert, come home a little earlier than expected with a movie and surprise the introvert.
