After a friend finished telling me her experiences in an interracial and intercultural relationship, I decided to compile a list of things people have heard while in these relationships that we don't want to hear. They are over said and often said without people realizing their impact, but some people do realize their impact and do intend the impact.
Here's what you shouldn't say to someone in an interracial relationship:
1. "Why weren't *insert your race* guys/girls good enough for you?"
We didn't find a race that was good enough for us. We found a person that was good enough for us. Finding a person of a different race does not disregard other people from our own race.
2. "You should find guys/girls who are *insert your race*."
You should find someone else to talk to.
3. "Your babies are going to be so beautiful."
Of course they will, I'm their mother!
4. "I'll babysit anytime for you."
No, you won't if you're associating the beauty of my kids with mixed race. What is this comment even really supposed to mean?
5. "Do you have jungle fever?"
Black people are not animals.
6. "You must have yellow fever."
Can we not date Asians without it being a fever? What's up with this fever thing anyways?
7. Any food related jokes about skin color.
Don't say "of course" when I tell you that chocolate is my favorite candy.
8. "What do you see in him/her?"
Obviously, a lot if we are together. Is our partner's race supposed to make them less worthy of having a partner? Why is it questionable that we see something in them?
9. "Other people won't want to date you if they find out you've dated that race."
Good, I wouldn't want to date that person either if they are so prejudiced against a group that they'd deem me to not be dating material based off the race of a past partner. It's mutual! We wouldn't get along anyways.
10. "People might not like that you're dating him/her."
Do we look like we care? Once again, we wouldn't want to be friends with those people anyways. Why are you expecting us to seek approval of prejudiced people? We don't need it.
11. "Is it big/small?"
Why are you asking this? That's weird?
12. "Are his/her lips even the right size to kiss?"
Wouldn't all lips be kissable? This is also very weird.
13. "Is he/she crazy behind closed doors?"
STOP SEXUALIZING RACES.
None. Of. Them. Should. Be. Sexualized.
14. "It's just a joke!"
Clearly, if we feel offended we did not take that as a joke. If you actually cared about us, you would listen to us and care more about our feelings than your desire to continue making a joke.
15. "You couldn't find a *insert name associated with your race* so you found yourself a *insert name from partner's race*."
Tyrone, Ling Ling, Muhammad, whatever name you're about to say, don't because our partner has their own name.
16. Any ISIS jokes.
Absolutely not. That is completely inappropriate.
17. "White girls will do anything."
If you are not her, you don't know her values and desires better than she does.
18. "Get yourself a real woman, a black woman."
Aren't all women real women? I thought we were fighting for the equality of races, not digressing back to viewing certain races as not real.
If it's in this list, chances are you should most likely cut yourself off before the phrase leaves your mouth. These could be offensive, weird, and repetitive. Remember to think before you speak, consider any history behind the "joke" you're about to make, and if you're unsure, just don't say it.
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