It's the night before that enormous, grade-defining paper is due, and all you've got are a few lukewarm ideas and stress. Take those tepid thoughts and throw them out the window (for now). You've got some summoning to do! Here's a list of different ways, each varying in success and effort required, to spark inspiration and get that paper going when hope is growing dim and the sun starts to rise.*
*Results not guaranteed.
Take a hike, Mike!
Exercise stimulates your brain, and even if it doesn't, given your diet, it certainly couldn't hurt. Take a stroll around campus, your dorm, your gym, or anywhere, really. Try to steer clear of crowds, although that will probably be the first thing you're drawn to in a fit of further procrastination. Save yourself: Work through your crappy ideas by yourself to figure out which ones have potential. If you're looking for extra inspiration, find yourself some nature and get to frolicking. Again, this is a solo trip. For now, you walk alone.
Find a friend, Ben!
Now that you've had time to think through some of your ideas, you can move onto the next phase: people. I'm sure you've got overachieving friends who finished this paper a week ago, spoke to the professor, visited the Writing Center, made the proper edits, spoke to the professor again, made even more unnecessary edits, and now have free time to spare (if they're not already preparing for the next paper). Before you dismiss these people for setting the bar too high and foolishly "using their time wisely," consider using them to your advantage! Hit up the study rooms in the library and spend some time spit-balling ideas on a white board. Mapping out your thoughts and engaging in productive, intellectual conversation with someone who cares about the subject will be incredibly beneficial to both parties.
Open a Word Doc, Spock!
You have ideas floating in your head and scrawled across a board. Now is the time to start writing. However, opening a blank page is intimidating and can induce panic in even the strongest procrastinators. Instead, type your ideas. Write what you want to say using your own words and hit Enter frequently. This is a great way to fill up some of that dreaded page space while actually being productive and working through what you plan on saying.
Switch your view, Stu!
Your words are grinding to a halt. Your mind is wandering. You've hit a slump, which means it is time to think outside the box. Lay on the floor. See that hunk of gum stuck to the table leg? Who put it there? Why that particular table leg? When was this atrocious crime committed? What were they writing about? Was it so awful that it prompted them to deface an innocent wooden support beam? What is the meaning of life? You get the idea. This is not procrastination – this is work! You need to bring creativity to your piece, and viewing the world from a different perspective is key to your success. Consider opposing viewpoints and address them in a way that solidifies and enhances your argument.
Gotta hydrate, Kate!
Caffeine is your friend. The morning is approaching and your paper is moving along at a snail's pace. It's time to ramp up the volume. Own that latte! Work that espresso! I'm a fan of Crystal Light Energy flavored water packets when the coffee has long grown cold. In fact, I'm currently hyped up on grape caffeine as I frantically type this article. Practice what you preach!
Review, Drew!
Hopefully your paper is growing in length, if not in quality. Hey, at least you'll meet the minimum page requirement. (Which you should definitely exceed. Come on. Don't be that guy.) At this point, you'll want to go back through and link your scattered ideas with transitions. You need to thread everything together. This paper is significant. Make sure you don't accidentally refute your own ideas. Check that your argument is clear and well-supported. You need a healthy internal framework; don't let osteoporosis send your skeleton limping toward a C for "insufficient evidence"!
Dress this mess, Tess!
What's the point of a fantastic idea if it is dressed like a schmuck? Check those citations, headers, fonts, and other formatting concerns. Don't be an ignoramus: follow the rules for APA or MLA (and, for the sake of all that is good in the world, do not fuse them together into some horrifying combination). Also, don't use 12-point Times New Roman for your paper and leave your header in 11-point Calibri; it's a rookie mistake, and you're a master procrastinator. What you are saying is important and should be treated as such. Dress your calcium-rich and source-abundant skeleton in all the finery typically reserved for highly esteemed literary endeavors of prodigious prowess. Oh, and avoid unnecessary adverbs.
Print, Clint!
You've exercised, brainstormed, spit-balled, written, edited, and thrown your heart and soul onto your keyboard. Don't screw it up by coming to class paperless. Give yourself ample time to wait for a computer behind the mass of other procrastinators, attempt to print, recover from the agony of your stomach dropping when "Error: Printer Jammed" flits across the screen, relocate to the library, actually print, and watch your baby come to life.
This is it.
You've done it.
You've produced a document that rivals... well, your classmates' papers. It's probably not your best work, but it is your work. You created something out of nothing and overcame the odds. You did not succumb to excuses.
Your words matter. Your ideas are important. Gather them responsibly.
Put the "pro" in procrastination.
