Well, dating these days is a bit different than the days of diners, phones with cords, and actual dates. Instead, our generation has redefined dating. We have turned it into something so casual and unserious that we forget the real purpose of dating. The original idea of dating came about as 'courting'. The dictionary defines courting as 'being involved with romantically, typically with the intention of marrying.' Ultimately, this is what young adults did if they wanted to find a potential spouse, and it was typically done at a very young age, too. To me, I think that dating is still sort of the same thing. I mean, if you don't break up you are going to get married, right? This is usually what happens. Even if it is more casual in this day and time, I think we need to make an intentional effort to stop with this 'talking' phase. Commit and be deliberate about your motives! Don't be afraid to put a title on it.

So let's talk more about this talking phase. Who came up with this? Don't all people talk? Why is this a phase of growth in a relationship? Personally, I think communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. I guess someone agreed and thought it was so important that we can make it a title, right? Wrong. The thing about this talking phase is that we have made it such a nonchalant part of dating that it has taken away the importance. The talking phase of a relationship usually happens behind the screen of a phone with the occasional 'hang out'.

I would not really call that talking. It usually looks something like this: you and your boy (I don't know what to call him because you are talking not dating) text good morning, all day long, and end it with a sweet goodnight text. There may even be a snap chat from them somewhere, yippee! (sarcasm). When you do not hear from them suddenly the world is turning upside down. What could they possibly be doing for the 12 minutes they are not looking at their phone and replying to your very important message? Do they have a life or something? Probably.

According to Collegefession.com, these are a few of some tell-tail signs you are deep in the talking phase...

Signs of the Talking Phase:

1. You show interest in someone that shows interest in you.
2. You talk to each other every day.
3. You send “Good Morning” texts (Very Important).
4. You Facetime with them more often than any other person.
5. You creep on their Instagram page.
6. You get upset when you don’t get a text back.
7. You start to use nicknames (i.e. Boobear, Honeybutton) or call each other 'bae'.
8. You get nervous when they hang with their friends of the opposite sex.
9. You subtweet them on twitter about how they make you feel.
10. You start using kissy face or winky face emojis often.
11. You get jealous at heart eyes underneath their pictures.
12. They are your top friend on Snapchat.
13. Other people know that you talk on a regular basis.

We have made it a rule to think it is okay (and normal) to talk to someone every minute of the day. First of all, this has never been a thing prior to the age of cell phones, snap chat, and instant messaging. Just because someone has not replied to your text in 4.6 minutes does not mean they are ignoring you. Think about the days with couples in long distance relationships communicated by mail. They still survived it, people. You can too!

Ultimately, this constant communication has taken away the element of surprise that dating brings and creates such unrealistic expectations. It has removed the part of a relationship where you build the foundation for the rest of what is to come and learn the other's emotions and feelings. How can you really know this person if you play 20 questions over your phone? You won't know their instant response. That is unless they add in a super cute emoji that makes you feel all sweet inside. Someone can literally put on a front and you would never know. Don't forget that. With this talking phase comes no obligation, so try to make sure you express your feelings. This phase makes it easier for someone to back out of a 'relationship' cowardly with no strings attached.

In the past, dating could mean that you were going on a date with different people, but 'going steady' meant you were 'official' as we call it these days. We have made talking an in-between phase. A girl or guy may be considered a little loose if they are talking to more than one person, but in the past, girls and guys went on dates with different people all the time! This blurred line of talking makes it awkward if it doesn't work out. So, let's change that! If you are in the talking phase of a relationship, why not make it official? Explain your feelings... in person.

The real question is, is our generation being intentional by living on this blurred line? What is the harm in making your relationship official and "going steady"? Why can't you go pick up your potential girl and go take her to get some ice cream and actually talk, instead of doing it behind the screen on your iPhone? Dating is about getting to know someone. I think that if we don't nip this in the bud right now we will loose the face to face communication like everyone once had. I absolutely love talking on the phone. I don't understand why others don't. It is actually so much easier than texting. It also makes making plans a lot less time consuming. Who woulda thought?!

So, if you are every caught in the blurred line of this talking phase, take a step back and ask yourself if you are being intentional. Hiding behind the screen on your phone leads to insecurity, uncertainty, and unreal expectations of communications that definitely will not continue if the relationship progresses into something more. A relationship should not be built on this phase that our generation has created, so let's do something about it!