Dear teammates,

The last time we practiced together seems like years ago. The last time I put my jersey on and competed next to you feels like decades ago. The last time my body has been able to do what it wants seems like more than distant memory.

In reality, it has been 18 months since the last time I was able to run. Eighteen months of therapy, cortisone shots and surgeries. Followed by more therapy and cortisone shots. And every procedure was followed with more bad news. The pain I feel is constant, not only in my legs but in my heart.

I see you all run past me every day while on your usual daily practice schedule. I smile and ask how you are and you smile back and ask me how I am. I nod and say “I’m good” or crack a joke about my day. Because while in “normal” standards, I am fine, but seeing you run past me breaks my heart every day.

When I was 18 years old, I decided I wanted to continue my track career at a colligate level. So after graduation and a quick summer of hitting the track everyday, I was beyond excited to join my fellow teammates at Northern Iowa. I remember walking into my dorm after the first practice and thinking I was going to die. But day after day, I got stronger. And I stopped dreading the workouts and began looking forward to the progress. I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

While mentally I was keeping up, my body wasn’t. It started as minor knee pain that I thought I could run through and transformed into a pain that kept me awake at night and made me late for class because I couldn’t walk.

So fast-forward 18 months and seven doctors later and here I am. Standing alongside the track everyday, cheering at every meet and pretending like this is what I want to be doing. But inside I am yearning for the ability to jog along side you. I miss the fun talks in between warm ups, the long bus rides and I even miss the feeling of actual death after 300s with decreasing rest. I miss it all.

But I am not writing to you for your pity. I am writing for your inspiration, because if this injury has taught me anything, it’s that life does not always go as planned and you must always appreciate what you have. I want you to run every race with all your heart. I want you to step to the line everytime and give it your all. Take each stride with purpose. Use your ability to the fullest because there are people (like me) that would take your place in a heartbeat.

That being said, don’t ever feel the need to complain to me about your hard workouts. And don’t complain about lifting or tedious technique days. I will gladly hop in there and do your squats or starts, heck I’d even try shot put. And never push through an injury that needs rest. I waited three months until I said anything and by that time it was too late. Sitting out one week is significantly better than being in pain for years to come.

Appreciate every day you get to compete alongside your teammates and don’t forget about the teammates along the sidelines screaming your name at every turn. Never give up and always persevere. But most importantly, never take this experience for granted.

Sincerely,

Your injured teammate

P.S. Go Panthers!