Everyone’s really nice in this town so you don’t have to worry about any weird shit. Still, New Paltz is a really unique place with its own set of quirks. Here’s a list of inevitable happenings your first week here.
1. You’ll wake up and realize you tie-dyed every white piece of cloth you own last night.
And there’s a badbadnotgood stick 'n poke peeking out of your sock. Pun intended?
2. You’ll spend way too much money at antique stores.
Okay yeah, that bronze-plated Virginia Woolf incense holder is cool. Just remember, that $35 in your bank account has to last you until December.
3. You’ll come face to face with your RA at a club.
Face to ass, rather.
4. Cops will show up at your door.
New Paltz has been known as a druggie school since its opening. Because of this there’s a constant struggle on law enforcement’s side as they try to reverse this impression. That, coupled with the fact that cops in this town are just really bored (because is hippie culture doesn’t include a lot of violent crime, who knew). Hide your shit.
5. You’ll get in a fight over whether Oasis or Cab’s is better.
I still don’t know the difference. Here’s a helpful tip though: if you like dancing I know you’e going to try clubbing every weekend but it’s rarely crowded enough to embarrass yourself in a fun way. Go the first and last week of the semester, Halloween, and the occassional event hosted by a sorority (if you’re into that). Also if you’re one of those guys who just sits at the bar and stares at everyone maybe try playing pool instead? I don’t know... you’re creepy.
6. You’ll decide you want to make an independent film.
I support this cliche 100%. Go out there and make stuff.
7. You’ll go around in class saying your name, a fun fact about you, and what gender pronoun you use.
The reason we do this is really simple: it’s impossible to infer someone’s gender expression without ever having met them, so laying it out when everyone first meets makes things much simpler for everyone involved. If I hear one more kid say “I don’t really get why we even do this hehe but my name’s Jen, she/her, and my favorite color is chartreuse,” I swear to God….
8. The new Guitarist in Front of Hasbrouck will be chosen.
Is it you? I’m really hoping for a funk-rocker this year.
9. Someone will stroll into your room playing a guitar and singing.
Absolutely join in. Some band names up for auction:
-Period Sex
-Only Anal
-Shut Your Fucking Mouth Jen I Swear to God
10. You’ll come across some incredible street art.
Take the time to fully explore the hidden places covered in stickers, grafitti, and pen. I’ve had insane sparks of inspiration sitting on a toilet in Coykendall, that’s all I’ll say.
11. You’ll get pushed into the Gunk.
I’m so sorry.
