I know I have casually brought up my anxiety here and there in my writing. If I haven’t made it as obvious as I believe I have; well then, now you know. I feel no shame in admitting I see a Psychiatrist and take medication. Although, please understand that just because I am medicated does not mean I am “cured”, that I believe medication is the only answer or that I am even overmedicated to the point of looking like a zombie with mono.

There are plenty of symptoms and causes to general anxiety, and there are countless forms of anxiety disorders. I won’t get into those details because I feel like most people have sat through their Psych. 101 course in college or have seen how anxiety manifests, first hand.

The one symptom I want to focus on is the “indecision” aspect of anxiety. Indecision is one of the symptoms that some people with an anxiety disorder possess.

The age-old frustration amongst couples everywhere is the “what-do-you-want-to-eat-I-don’t-care” argument. Yes, that is indecision, and I agree it can be super annoying. However, I would like you to imagine a scenario where you’re standing there with your significant other or best friend, and they ask you for your opinion on where to go for dinner. You answer them with the usual “I don’t care”, and maybe you even mean it. But, they continue to question you because it is apparently “your turn” to choose. Your mind goes blank; you suddenly don’t know what restaurants even exist anymore. You insist you genuinely do not care where or what to eat.

Now, imagine that scenario, but your S.O. is on the ground gasping for air, while meteors are crashing too close around you. In the background, you can feel the heat of a once dormant volcano exploding with anger and fire. It is essentially the end of the world and the only thing that can save the entire planet and your other half is just one, simple answer to where you want to go for food.

You look around, terrified, your mind somehow still blank and you just barely squeak out the words, “I don’t care.”

Everyone perishes in the flames of the apocalypse and you have failed your mission.

Okay, even though that was a bit dramatic, imagine that overwhelming scene of stress and despair, and then imagine that feeling every time you feel like you need to make a decision. Not every decision of the day is that uncomfortable, but I can tell you I spend too much time wrestling with indecision on issues ranging from what to eat for lunch to what I want to do with my life.

You see I constantly feel overwhelmed with the ideas that run through my head every minute of the day. I bounce around from wondering how to open a coffee shop, to which piece of paperwork to get through at the office, then to questioning my desire to be a counselor, somehow winding up on a Google search for Master’s level programs I could tolerate and ending with wondering how to just be an at-home writer who makes the same amount of money as I do now.

I usually end with more questions than answers and an uncomfortable breakout of hives.

Being indecisive is just one discomfort of having anxiety, and I am grateful I have people in my life who understand that. Constantly changing your mind can be exhausting when you have an endless list of things that actually need to get done.

There are plenty of other pieces to the anxious puzzle I try to put together, but I can genuinely say that being so indecisive is one of the most frustrating aspects of being anxious that I struggle with.

I’m just thankful that the fate of the world is not actually in my hands when Dom asks what I want for dinner. If that were the case, then I apologize to the entire existence of Earth.