Back in high school, yeah, there were some boys that caught my eye, but I was always so focused with my academics or with sports that I didn't think too much into it. I also didn't want to immerse myself in the drama that came with the package deal of dating in high school either, so I was completely satisfied with waiting it out.
College came around, and like all freshmen, I was excited to be in a new place and starting a new chapter in my life. So, when an unfamiliar face came along who wanted to share my company, I said, "why not?" Yet, I still felt indifferent. Behind all the crap that people try to hide about themselves (let's be honest), a very immature 18-year-old boy shined through, and I just didn't have time to play any games with him, so I broke it off. Although my very first kiss was shared with that person, it was just a fling, not a relationship whatsoever. And yes, sometimes just having a fling is a-okay. But then sometimes you wonder, is it me? Am I just too emotionally unavailable to actually make an effort for someone? Or is it something else? I think the latter...
Not having a partner kinda stinks. We all have that desire to feel wanted by someone. For someone to need us. To have someone to go on romantic dates with. Etc. And I'll admit, I've never actually had a relationship (and I'm soon-to-be 21), so I don't know what it's like to be in one. But, I do know what it's like to be single, and it's actually pretty liberating. I will stand behind this statement time and time again: being single is far better than being with the wrong person, and it's even better not to settle and to wait for the right people. They're out there.
Everyone has their own ripening stage. As in, each of us matures at different levels. Girls mature a little earlier on than most boys do, but that's not always the case. Maturity is a significant factor when it comes to any form of relationship. I was always very mature for my age and held myself with confidence and had a good head on my shoulders. I never got to that point when I felt I needed to worry about how many likes I got on Instagram, or how many friends I had on Facebook, or if the popular crowd liked me. I truly did not give a damn, and still don't. I was already secure in what I was doing and how I felt about myself. We need people around us, especially those we want as a partner, to at least be at the same maturity level as we are. I think there's a difference between growing together and straight-out being incompatible. We're only in our early 20's, for Pete's sake. We have time.
My priorities do not include idolizing getting drunk on the weekends or being around a group of people just to post a photo void of substance online. That's not what I think about. I think about how I treat people, what I can do to give back to my family who has made a way for me, how what I'm doing right now will affect my future. College is a critical time in our lives because we're still figuring things out. What we like about ourselves, what we want to change. But when I'm already past a certain check point, I don't need to be held back by someone when I'm trying to move forward. Don't let people bring you down. Find those who have similar values, morals and goals.
For any gender, if you're not occupied with a boyfriend or girlfriend, our peers sometimes wonder why. Like it's their business or something. Am I right? That is so great if you're in a relationship already. And if you're getting married or have a child with your partner, then that's great, too. Because that's what you want. And no one should make you feel otherwise. Yet, we must realize we don't all have the same goals. If I don't want kids, that's my choice. If I don't want to get married at 22, that's my choice. And if I don't want to date or be in a relationship in college, you guessed it -- that's my choice, too.
I can't multitask. With the workload that accompanies a double major (and a minor) while trying really hard to incorporate time for my hobbies and for my family and friends, I'm exhausted at the end of the day. So to add on a boyfriend on top of all of that? Something will inevitably fall to the way side, and that's just not how I operate. I care about people. I have so much love in my heart on reserve for someone that I want to make sure I have the time to put toward that person. Because otherwise, it isn't fair for either party. Remember that when you meet a really cute guy/gal, but your semester load makes you feel like you're teetering just above drowning-mode. If that person is okay waiting for you, great! If not, it wasn't meant to happen anyway.
The cake topper, the star atop the tree, whatever you want to call it, is this: learn to love yourself before you enter any relationship. I watched this TED talk about a week ago and what she emphasized were the basic facts about how we should approach relationships yet these same things we tend to forget. Just as two wrongs do not make a right, two insecure individuals do not produce stability. It breeds heartbreak and disappointment. And also wasted time. We can learn what we like and don't like through experiences with dating-life. But there's really no benefit in it at all if we haven't yet come to love ourselves. If we hide who we are or try to suppress our true personalities, then what are we doing? Someone is bound to get hurt...most likely, you. We all have something to offer, no matter where we are in our lives. It's easy to like ourselves when we have a fabulous hair day or when someone gives us a compliment. Though, it takes strength and courage to truly be happy with who we are each and every day.
So, the next first date you have, don't worry about whether he/she will like you. It's not about them. It's about how you feel in their company. You don't need security or validation from anyone except you.
The only relationship you're ever going to have with another person is the one you're already having with yourself. You wouldn't stop striving to better yourself, so don't settle when looking for love, either.