Valentine's Day typically affects one of two groups: people in relationships, and people, well, not in relationships. People in relationships typically make an event out of Valentine's Day. As someone who once was in a long-term relationship, I get it. There's "hype" around the holiday, and along with that comes societal expectations to live up to. If I'm in a relationship, I'm expected to go out for a nice dinner and to buy my significant other a thoughtful gift.
On the other side, however, are the single folks out there, who rather than doing something productive, choose to use this holiday as an excuse to basque in a Bridget Jones-esque night of self-pity (cue Celine Dion's "All By Myself"). These people are so desperate to find "that someone" that they forget the third and very best kind of relationship status.
For those of you who don't belong in the ostentatiously "taken" category, and don't belong in the depressingly "single" category either, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're in a relationship... with your food (I'm still trying to make this Facebook official). No, you haven't found that one person who just "gets" you quite yet, but honestly... you're not so sad about it. Why would you be, when you have something so much better, so much more fulfilling to live for?
If you're single and love food, here's a list of why the position you're in is the best case scenario on Valentine's Day:
1. There won't be a debate over where to eat dinner.
If you want a steak dinner, you can go to a Steakhouse. Want pasta? Go Italian! Breakfast for dinner? iHop is a quick drive away. You don't have to worry about what your significant other may be craving, and this will still be the highlight of your day.
2. You don't have to hold back at dinner.
If you like garlic, go for it. No need to worry about your breath, because it's just you and your food for the night. You want to get an appetizer, entree, and dessert? No pressure, the check is on you! You don't have to burden anyone else, and if you're on the other side, you don't have to have a panic attack every time your date opens the menu.
3. You don't need to dress up for your food.
Food will never judge you. Why put on a button down or a nice dress when you can show up in yesterday's sweats? You have absolutely no one to impress, other than yourself, and your mac 'n cheese.
4. You can treat yo-self.
No present or dinner for your significant other means more money you can spend on food. And if you appreciate food, you know that there's no better bang for your buck than food (in this case, money can buy happiness).
5. You can skip the sappy movie.
When you're single yet have a relationship with your food, you won't feel sorry for yourself. There are so many things to live for, like cheese, and tater tots! Why fail to appreciate these things by diminishing their goodness with a sad movie? Also... do people really think those Valentine's Day chick flicks are good? Because if there are decent ones out there, I most certainly haven't seen any of them.
6. You finally have an excuse to buy those chocolate-covered strawberries you've been coveting.
The thing that's tricky about being in a relationship around Valentines Day is it's kind of aggressive to directly say, "Hey, I really want those chocolate-covered strawberries that are in the window at Gertrude Hawk." When you're single, you can just buy them for yourself. You don't have to worry about being too forward, and you most certainly don't have to worry about missing out on your craving.
7. You don't have to worry about someone putting their grimy paws all over your food.
If you're a food-aholic, you know that there is absolutely nothing worse than when you're sitting there, enjoying your dinner, and the barbarian across from you has the audacity to take something off your plate (I swear, if you touch my fries, you will lose a finger).
"But babe, you weren't even gonna finish those anyway!"
"Uhh, yes I was." *Death glare.*
8. There are absolutely no expectations.
The worst part of Valentines Day is the stigma surrounding it. When you're in a relationship, it's easy to get caught up thinking that in order for Valentine's Day to be successful, it must be grandiose. For singles, the common thought is that Valentines Day is only enjoyable when you have someone to share it with. For those of us who are in a relationship with our food, Valentine's Day is special because chocolate is sold on every corner. Meanwhile, that restaurant you've been nagging your friends to go to is finally getting business. And most importantly, you have zero expectations. All you need to know is that as soon as you get hungry, there will be food waiting to be eaten.
9. Cookie. Dough.
Why take a bath with another human when you can take a bath with cookie dough? More room, more dough for you, more happiness. 'Nuff said.
10. No talking required.
The only words you need to exchange with your food are, "Mmmm, that's good." No arguing, no debriefing, no questioning. Just you, and your dinner.
Valentine's Day has turned into a celebration of love. Love is defined as "an intense feeling of deep affection." If that doesn't perfectly describe how I feel about my food, I don't know what does. So, if you're single and ready to mingle, don't forget about some of the most important relationships you'll have. They may be ephemeral (you do go through three or more a day, after all), but your various relationships with food will bring you much more joy on this celebration of love than you know.
