“Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.”
The principle that has been taught for years starting from the time we were enrolled in preschool. This has been pounded into our heads in every aspect of our lives, and it makes sense, right? Why wouldn’t we treat others how we would like to be treated? It only seems fair and just. So, we start applying this concept to all areas of our lives, including relationships.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably the type of person who strives to be the absolute best version of herself that she can be. You try to be the best in school, in any extracurricular activities, the kindest and nicest individual possible. You go out of your way to make people feel comfortable, appreciated, and to never feel embarrassed. You are constantly putting yourself in others’ shoes and doing everything in your power to make sure they are treated how you would like to be treated. And for this, I applaud you. But, I also warn you. Because when it comes to relationships, this can be a very dangerous trait.
The thing about men is that they try really, super hard in the beginning. You’re something new and exciting, and they want nothing more than to win you over. You’re the beauty and they are the hero. They want to give you the best version of themselves, and rightfully so. As women, we deserve that. We are precious and beautiful creations of God, and we should be treated as such. But after he’s won you over, the chase stops. The beauty has been won, but what the hero doesn’t remember is that she needs to be kept.
As you (the beauty) and the hero start dating for longer and really getting to know one another, you start rolling through the motions and the effort on his end stops completely. You don’t give up, though. I am sure you have spent hours on hours catering to his every want and need. You find yourself surprising him at work, going out of your way to accommodate him and helping him in every aspect of his life. Before you know it, you’re the one pushing him to fill out applications, sign up for school, or maybe even something as simple as getting his lazy butt out of bed. The relationship is not 100 percent on both sides anymore, more like you giving 150 percent and him giving you an occasional kiss and an “I love you.”
It’s frustrating, sure, but you make excuses. You make these excuses because you know that he’s capable of doing so many things. He is intelligent, he has a really big heart, and he’s generous, so why doesn’t he utilize these amazing characteristics? You know he could be something fantastic, and so you keep pushing him harder and harder and you keep staying around longer just waiting for him to wake up and start pursuing his potential. You keep hoping that if you keep up with the surprises and the kind gestures that he will reciprocate. But he never does.
The thing is, ladies, you can’t help a man who doesn’t want to help himself. Even a man who has the most potential in the world, if he is not motivated by his own desires, then nothing you do can make him get up and start moving. Even when it comes to your relationship; no matter how much you continue to pursue him, he isn’t going to pursue you back unless he actually wants to. So stop making yourself so tired and realize yourpotential. Instead of wasting your energy on someone who isn’t utilizing it, use that energy for yourself. These kinds of people are leeches, and you need to get out before he sucks you bone dry.
“I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance, I have been a victim of my own optimism.” – Eat, Pray, Love
