I am a person who is often very, very afraid. I live in our nation's capital, a place full of metal detectors and secret service because it is constantly under threat of attack. I don't feel comfortable walking in the streets even during the daytime. I don't take public transportation if I don't have to. I am hyper alert to things going on around me. I even get afraid when someone unexpectedly knocks on my apartment door.
But none of that compares to what happened on January 2nd, 2016.
My boyfriend proposed. Now, you would think that this would have been the happiest day of my life. My boyfriend, the love of my life, my best friend, asked me to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. We had been discussing marriage for quite some time. As devoted Catholics, we were both very excited to participate in the Church's sacrament of marriage together, to start a family together, and to support each other for the rest of our lives. Ever since I met my now fiancé, I knew I wanted to marry him.
But, I have never felt more afraid than I did the moment he proposed. Instead of thinking about the fact that I was going to officially marry the man of my dreams, I thought about what others would think:
"I'm 22. I'm so young. What will my parents think? What will my family think? They haven't met him yet. This year is going to be crazy, and now I have to plan a wedding too? What happens if I slip up?"
Of course, I never thought, "What if this is a mistake?" That thought never crossed my mind because I knew he was the one for me. I've always known. My fear came from other sources, not my ultimate happiness. The few days after my engagement was stressful and nerve-wracking instead of blissful and hopeful.
My new years resolution was to say "yes" to everything I believed I was being called to do. I'm so glad I said yes to him. These past couple of weeks have shown me that fear is something we bring upon ourselves. It is not something that anyone can force you to feel. Our families were so excited for us. My parents threw us a small party at my house, and all of our friends banded together to surprise us back in D.C. I've never been happier. Our relationship is growing, and I am falling more and more in love with him and with who I am becoming.
It is completely OK to become fearful in situations that are new and different or even in situations that might be familiar to you. What is important to know is that your fear is your own. It is something you have complete control over. All it takes to free yourself from the chains of fear is to accept joy. Accept the ultimate joy that is in store for you. The worst thing we can do is deny ourselves happiness when it is presented to us. Don't let the good ones get away.
